Ever
since we had our little "What's With All
The Lesbians" cover story a few months
back (February 2002), a lot of our female
homosexual readers all over the Pacific
Northwest have been a little unhappy with
us.
Sure, we had a little fun at their expense.
But to tell the truth, I was MORE than
a little disappointed with their hate-filled
responses: Pulling their advertising;
Boycotting the magazine; Ripping a copy
in half on Portland Cable Access; Saying
horrible things about our editor Jim Goad
and myself; Piling decimated Oscar Mayer
Wiener packages in front of our office;
Leaving thinly-veiled threats of violence
on our office answering machine; Not letting
us watch them GET IT ON anymore...
I mean, we can take it, but it was a pretty
goddamn extreme reaction to a harmless
little satirical piece. How could they
do that to us? We LOVE lesbo sex...
But see, that's what we do these days
more than ever: We make fun of everybody.
We will satirize anything. Why? Because
it's FUNNY. It's INTERESTING.
And sometimes, when it touches a nerve
and you're not too reactionary, it even
makes you THINK.
I've been keeping track. In the past year
alone we have made fun of gay men 33 separate
times, white people 43 times, black people
22 times, Jews 18 times, Muslims 16 times,
Catholics 28 times, Italians 13 times,
Asians 10 times, Latinos 11 times, the
British 39 times, Nazis 16 times, Satanists
6 times, God 256 times, strippers 37 times,
stripper customers 127 times, pornographers
54 times, rock stars 18 times, straight
men 39 times, straight women 62 times,
fat people 29 times, skinny people 10
times, politicians 74 times, mulletheads
5 times, past Exotic staff members
17 times, current Exotic staff
members (ourselves) 93 times...
So, we spread the sarcasm pretty deep
and wide. And none of these aforementioned
groups have gotten pissed off enough to
let even us know about it. Except for
that one Bob Marley fanatic... Okay, and
the three Darklady fans...
But apparently, the genetic makeup of
women predisposed to lesbianism not only
is missing the "cock hungry" gene but
also tends to omit the "comedy-satire"
gene sequence as well.
Lesbians, for some reason, seem to be
very serious and sensitive about their
sexuality and their place in society.
But it's the 21st century, and after Martina
and Ellen and Rosie and possibly even
our own Portland Mayor Vera (I love her
still), we thought they were over all
that.
Well, in the interest of all the love
and kindness that fills our aching hearts
and groins this warm and flowery time
of year, we now officially apologize to
all our lesbian and lesbian-positive friends:
We're sorry we hurt your feelings. We
like you. We really do. Ahh, heck, we
LOVE you.
Especially when you're hot and you let
us watch.
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