As we enter the dawn of a new millennium (damn, I promised myself I wouldn't use that word...) there are a few questions and other things rolling around in my addled mind that I'd like to share:

Exactly how soon will it take the City of Portland to withdraw their fascist Escort & Lingerie Modeling Ordinance that they ramrodded through the City Council now that we've filed our lawsuit against them... Friday, January 7th anyone?

How I can possibly squeeze more pornography into my life...

Which ex-girlfriend of mine is actually the least intelligent... and which is the most insane... And more importantly, why were they ever my girlfriends in the first place? Any good psychiatrist recommendations are welcome...

Who would win in a televised pay-per-view cage match between the Taco Bell Chihuaha and the Energizer Bunny and how could they fit some cheap pornography into the show...

After 22 years of successfully not seeing a dentist, why would I ever allow anyone to give me a $2000 root canal... without nitrous... Just yank the damn thing out next time...

That pay-per-view hardcore porn adds up quick at $7.99 a "pop." Ouch. Fantasy is just down the street for godsake...

Never, ever again tell a girl it's okay if she stays over "just a few days..." Or anybody for that matter...