Page 39 - Exotic | April 2025

Sunday by hypocrites and charlatans, so who knows? I grew up in church. I was a preacher’s kid. I’m painfully aware of just how oblivious some Christians are to how counterproductive it is to hand out gospel tracts. That’s not to say I disapprove of whole- sale ministerial outreach. The ladies from Xpose Hope, who come into the club wearing their “Jesus Loves Strippers” t-shirts and hand out goodies, have always been, in my eyes, nothing short of pleasant—and I daresay they’ve done a better job of representing the Jesus I always thought I was reading about growing up, than the overwhelming majority of Christians I’ve ever known. After all, Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love one to another.” (John 13:35). By contrast, Jesus was conspicuously silent on the subject of handing out literature with an aim to proselytize. I’m guessing because he considered it such an astronomically stupid idea that it didn’t even bear mentioning.
Food Stamp Card
A year or so ago, while judging one of DJ Dick Hennessy’s stripper competitions, I actually witnessed a guy tossing his food stamp card onto the stage. I thought it was hilarious, and luckily, the dancer who received the card was amused. All’s well that ends well, but I’d say this one is a roll of the dice. While everyone got a kick out of it when I saw it happen, it worked as a bit because its charm was borne of its novelty. I also get the feeling that the novelty of this bit has an extremely short shelf life, and it will wear out its welcome very quickly. Try it at your own risk, but if you do, at least make sure there are funds on the card, and write the pin on the back first.
Listen, you’ll never go wrong with good, old-fashioned cash. If the dancer has Venmo or Cash App, that’s good, too. That’s all actual money. Dancers can pay their rent and bills and feed themselves with actual money, which is the point of the job those dancers are at the club to do. Beyond that, you’re playing with fire. If the cash alternative you’re thinking of offering as a tip has low monetary value, or it’s a pain in the ass to redeem for said monetary value, maybe rethink that idea and take a stroll to the ATM instead.
Nate Hazen is a bouncer, writer, eccentric creative loner, and, as of April 3, a brand-new stand-up comic. Come to X Exotic Lounge next month to catch his first-ever stand-up comedy performance at Tits & Giggles, presented by Strip City!
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