Page 39 - Exotic | September 2024

ligious household made my father’s choices on careers next to non-existent. Either you become a preacher, and we help, or you
don’t, and we won’t. So, being the smart lad he was and not giv- ing a flying bird about religion, my dad was a youth pastor for a bit in his late teens and early twenties. That is until he discovered how to make prison wine from Welch’s Grape Juice. I have also heard this story told multiple times, and it tends to change a bit detail-wise, like when it occurred, how long he was actually a youth minister, and other insignificant factors. However, it’s still a fun story.
After taking a decent cup or two of this intoxicating grape juice, my father drove his super beetle to the church where he was sup- posed to be delivering a sermon to the young folk (or something like this); he states he got up to the pulpit, was about to speak, and instead decided, “Eh, religion isn’t fun. I’m going to vomit on this podium instead.” He then just walked out of the building like nothing happened, drove his bug into the fence at the church, and never went back...to either that church or religion.
What I got from this was: Stick to your guns. If you don’t want to do something, don’t feel forced into it, and quit when you want to. No one’s going to live your life but you. Also, don’t drink and drive into a church fence—or any fence.
My father has lived a very full and interesting life. I guess I am lucky to be around, to have learned anything from it, and to have the ears and brain to comprehend and read between the lines when he tells me these stories. Since most of his stories are about outlandish things like stealing married women and throwing up on a pulpit, they can seem unrelatable. But once you really listen to the story, you feel like you’ve just listened to a great philoso- pher—like Søren Kierkegaard (a Danish guy you probably don’t know about). Anyhow, I guess I should thank my pops for being so weird. Thanks, and thanks for having me, I think.
Hannah One Cup can be found online on Facebook by her name or on TikTok @thursdaynight_depression.
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