Page 38 - Exotic | April 2025

Let’s get this out of the way now: I need ev- eryone reading this to be super cool and agree to let the ideas in this list remain funny in theory. Let’s not bring them into the real world. They’re not so funny in the real world, and there’s a good chance security will end up roughing you up on the way out. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m counting on you (yes, you!) to do your part and not make me regret writing this.
Traditionally, tipping strippers has been done by throwing dollar bills on the stage while they dance. To be sure, making it rain remains the primary method of tipping at the strip club, but advancements in technology have opened the door to other possibilities. Cash App and Venmo have made the elec- tronic exchange of currency between indi- viduals incredibly simple. Hell, you can even pay for drugs that way these days, so you can sure as hell use those apps to tip dancers if you don’t have access to cash. If you get cre- ative, I’m sure you can think up plenty of ac- ceptable ways to tip a stripper, and if you’re at a strip club, you damn well better be tip- ping. That’s not what I’m going to write about this month, though. Instead, I’m going to rule some things out for you. Here are some ways you absolutely should not tip the strippers.
Coins
Years ago, comedian Daniel Tosh explained in his stand-up that “making it rain” is “basi- cally when you throw cash on the hoes,” af- ter which he commented, “I like to make it hail. That’s when you throw change at sluts.” Now, I like Tosh as a comedian, but as is the case with the majority of his jokes, this one is funnier as a joke. I know people who have thrown change on stage, and I’m telling you, it’s never well received. If you need to get rid of your loose change that badly, take it to a Coinstar. Speaking of...
Coinstar Vouchers
Okay, if the Coinstar voucher is worth a high enough dollar amount, you might be able to pull this one off, but even then, it’s risky. Be- cause of how Coinstar works, the cash vouch-
ers issued by their machines can only be re- deemed at the specific store where that par- ticular machine is located. If the voucher in question is worth, say, 100 bucks, and it came from a Coinstar that’s located like a block or two from the club, that’s still annoying since the stripper you want to give it to still has to make a special trip to go redeem it, but you might be able to pull it off. Probably not, just to be clear, but never say never. On the other hand, a 5-dollar voucher issued by a machine located 10 miles away? Don’t try to make that dancer throw it away for you. Find a garbage can and toss it yourself.
don’t go trying to send that dancer on some bullshit side quest. Unlike Coinstar vouch- ers, however, there is a notable exception in the case of lotto slips. In the state of Oregon, lotto slips valued over $1,250 have to be re- deemed at prize centers in either Salem or Wilsonville, which would mean a bit of a trek, but I’m willing to bet tipping a dancer that kind of money might just take the edge off the sting of having to make that drive. What you absolutely should not do, under any cir- cumstances, is feed the lotto machine a dol- lar at a time and immediately cash out until you have a hundred dollars worth of one- dollar cashout slips and proceed to make it rain cashout slips on the stage. As I’m writ- ing this, I’m imagining having to validate all those tickets one dollar at a time at the end of the night, and it has me seeing red. Do this at my club, and I solemnly vow to inflict physical harm on you.
Loyalty Reward Punch Cards
I don’t care if it’s for your favorite frozen yo- gurt chain, smoothie joint, coffee shop, or whatever else, this one would be unbeliev- ably obnoxious, and exponentially more so if the punch card in question doesn’t even have all the punches or stamps necessary to redeem it. Put the fucking card back in your wallet, and hand that dancer enough to buy that froyo or smoothie or coffee herself, if that’s something she actually wants.
Gospel Tracts
If you’re reading this magazine, I’m guessing the probability that you’re out there trying to tuck a gospel tract into a stripper’s g-string is somewhere in the ballpark of infinitesimal. Then again, there are a whole lot of church pews in the world that get farted on every
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Video Lottery Cashout Slips
These might be the least objectionable items on this list, but only if done right. I’ve had customers tip me with lotto slips before, and I sure as hell didn’t mind. First off, only tip with a cashout slip that came from a lotto machine from that club. Like Coinstar vouch- ers, lottery slips can only be redeemed at the establishment where that slip originated, so