Page 23 - Exotic | January 2025

a baguette. It is then stuffed with butter and a special cheese they make just for this thing, then topped with a fried egg. This is so popu- lar in Georgia that it is not only their national dish, but it has its own fucking holiday, Feb- ruary 27th, National Khachapuri Day. Often served with tea or vodka. Skip the tea.
Poutine
Canada's sole contribution to world cuisine, but if you know, you know how good it is. Fried cheese curds on a bed of fries, smoth- ered in rich gravy. It is so popular up North that McDonald's even sells it. According to McD's, the REGULAR size is 870 calories, the large is 1730 calories, and that's just the fast food version. They have whole restaurants dedicated to poutine, so imagine how fatten- ing the good stuff is!
Churros
I'm not leaving out our Spanish and Mexican pals. They throw the heat with the humble churro. Most of us have probably had one before. Fried dough covered in sugar and cinnamon. In Spain, it is common to dip it in liquid chocolate, and while we largely think of them as a dessert here, they are a breakfast item over there.
Drugs
There are a lot of drugs out there to help you not be fat. There's a kajillion-dollar industry built around this alone in the world of Big Pharma. That said, let's talk about some that will make you fat.
Antipsychotics
Antipsychotics like Zyprexa, Abilify, and Sero- quel are known to cause massive weight gain with constant use and will bloat you way up, really fast. They typically cause a gain of any- where between 7% and 25% of total body mass, according to reports, so you can be not crazy and be fat.
Beta-Blockers
Beta-blockers like Altace or Lotensin help your body be more resistant to exercise and make it harder to burn calories. Athletes take these because they increase response time in fine motor skills, slow your heart rate, and de- crease blood pressure. You aren't an athlete, ten-to-one, so just take them and eat Hot Pockets.
Antidepressants
Most antidepressants are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, more commonly known as SSRIs. Paxil, Zoloft, and Luvox are the most common ones. They have been known to cause brief weight loss before the balloon factor starts.
The other popular kind is tricyclic antidepres- sants, such as Endep, Tofranil, and Remeron. These can potentially cause a gain of nearly
Chocolate Salo
The Slavs once again come into play, but this time, it's the Ukrainians who are up to mis- chief. Salo is a popular food there; in fact, it is so popular that there is a museum dedi- cated to it. It is cubes of salt-cured pork fat, which is already pushing it, and then some
Deep-Fried Mars Bar
Most popular in Scotland. Ach, laddie, it's a deep-fried Mars bar. Not much more to say there, save that they are a whole pile of calo- ries.
Tiramisu
Italy, you made me have to pick, out of all the dishes you make, the one that is the
brain genius decided to dip them in choco- late after the end of the Cold War when Slavs could more readily obtain chocolate. Upon discovering this foodstuff, BBC reporter Hel- en Fawkes dubbed it "one of the unhealthiest snacks in the world." It is traditionally served with pickles, garlic, and, yep, you guessed it, vodka.
least healthy. This was quite the chore, but I settled on tiramisu. For those perhaps not in the know, it's a dessert comprised of lady- finger pastries soaked in coffee and covered in a creamy meringue made of egg whites, sugar, and mascarpone. It is then dusted in cocoa powder and usually served cold or at room temperature with some coffee or sweet liquor like limoncello or sambuca.
e
3
e
x
x
o
o
t
t
i
i
c
c
m
m
a
a
g
g
a
a
z
z
i
i
n
n
e
e
|
|
x
x
m
m
a
a
g
g
.
.
c
c
o
o
m
m
2
2
3