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: December 2001: Prison Slang |
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It's
common knowledge that many Exotic staffers have
had a less-than-amicable relationship with law enforcement.
Neither would it come as a surprise if many Exotic
readers turned out to be felons...or were well on
their way to becoming felons. Therefore, as a public
service, we are providing this handy glossary for our
many friends and associates who pass through the System's
revolving doors.
ALL SUCKED-UP--Two
meanings: 1. Scrawny, as in, "I had no access to weightlifting
equipment during my 71Ž2 months in county jail; thus,
I was all sucked-up when I arrived in prison."
2. Mopey and offended, as in, "Todd acted all sucked-up
when Darryl made sport of him in front of other inmates."
BEEF--A
criminal charge. For instance, a "skin beef" is a sex
crime, while a "bum beef" is a false charge.
BUST A GRAPE--Become
violent.
CELL WARRIOR--Someone
who loudly runs his neck while safely locked in his cell
but is a coward once the cell door pops open.
DICK MITTENS--The
condition of one's hands when one neglects to wash  them
after urinating.
FREAK--Specifically,
a sex offender. More generally, anyone who's a little
unusual and doesn't fit the convict mold. More than once
while watching Seinfeld in the day room, I've heard
cons comment, "That Kramer sure is a freak!"
FREAK BONE--A
tendency toward kinkiness, usually described using a length
of measurement, as in, "Perry may act like a solid, stand-up
convict, but he's got a freak bone a mile long."
GETTIN' MY {BLANK}
ON--Doing something.
For instance, "Gettin' my smoke on" means "smoking,"
and "Gettin' my jack on" means "masturbating."
GRILLE--Collectively,
one's teeth, as in, "I'll punch your grille out."
GRIP--Noun,
meaning "a lot," as in, "Waheed was sentenced to a grip
of time."
GRUNION--A
tiny amount, as in, "Hector had only a grunion of
tobacco--not even enough for a cigarette."
HE'S A SOLID PECKERWOOD--That
white male is a fine, dependable fellow.
I ALREADY KNOW--A
nod of assent roughly meaning "I hear you" and used with
startling frequency among cons.
I GOT JIGS--I'll
watch for guards while you commit that infraction.
INMATE/CONVICT--An
inmate is helpful to guards and is genuinely thankful
for this chance at rehabilitation; a convict has
tattoos on his neck and chooses colorful names for himself
such as "Snake" and "Jericho."
JACKET--A
reputation for having a particular belief or being disposed
toward a certain practice. A jacket is placed on
you by others and may or may not be deserved, but once
it's on you, it's hard to remove. For instance, a white
male with a shaved head may have a "racist jacket,"
and an old man thought to be a child molester may be forced
to wear a "chomo jacket."
JUICE CARD--Ability
to influence events in prison, either with guards or
inmates, as in, "I used my juice card to get
moved to a cell in a quieter area."
KEISTER--Verb,
meaning "To insert an item of contraband into one's
rectum for smuggling purposes." Also known as "takin'
it to the hoop" and "puttin' it in the safe."
KICK ROCKS, SCRUB!--Fuck
off, loser! Synonyms for "scrub": "lop," "lame," and
"truck."
NECKIN' WIENERS/BOOKIN'
WHAMMERS--Sucking
dick.
NOW WHAT?--A
taunt offered after a rhetorical comeback; it's a much
more aggressive version of "the ball's now in your corner."
For instance, one might say, "Oh, yeah? Well, you wuz
so ugly as a kid, your parents had to tie a pork chop
around your neck so the dog would play with you. Now
what?"
ON MY SKIN--A
secular version of "I swear to God," usually accompanied
by tapping the fingers of one hand onto the wrist of
another hand. It is a prisoner's oath.
PETER-GAZER--One
who stares at peni in the shower A.K.A. a pecker-checker
or a shower shark.
PLEXIN'--Worrying,
stressing out.
POLE-SMOKER/PETER-PUFFER--Male
homosexual.
PRESSURIZE--Verb,
meaning "to coerce."
PRUNO--Alcoholic
beverage made from fermented chow-hall fruit, sugar,
water, and yeast.
PUT SOME WATER
ON IT!--The fact
that you've failed to make a courtesy flush means that
an unpleasant aroma is wafting from your cell to mine,
so please rectify this situation.
RAPO/CHOMO--Rapist/child
molester.
ROAD DOG--One's
best friend in prison, as well as the one on whom you
could most depend for backup in a fight.
ROLLIN'!--Fuck!
Here comes a guard now!
RUNNIN' YOUR NECK--Bullshitting;
mackin' without anything to back it up.
S.A.--Acronym
for "Spanish-American" used by both S.A.s and non-S.A.s
alike. Emphasis is on the "S"; it's pronounced exactly
like "essay."
SANCHO--The
man who fucks your wife or girlfriend while you're in
prison.
SCREAMIN'--Adjective
used to describe a particularly delicious chow-hall
item, as in, "That barbecued chicken we had for lunch
was screamin'."
SHIT--Verb
which universally replaces the verb
"to fart," as in, "Who shit all over themselves?"
SNIPES--Soggy,
unsmoked ends of hand-rolled
cigarettes.
SOMEONE JUST DID
A DRIVE-BY--Someone
silently broke wind while walking past us, leaving us
to experience the after-effects.
STRAIGHT YOKED--Muscular;
antonym to meaning (1.) of "all sucked-up."
THAT'S A COLD SHOT--What
he/they did to you was very cruel and uncaring.
THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKIN' 'BOUT--A
sort of emphatic statement somewhat equivalent to "Right
on!" Black inmates often use it after a particularly spectacular
slam-dunk on TV.
THE FELLAS--The
in-crowd; the group of convicts whom you can trust.
THEM--Universal
replacement for "they" and "those," as in, "Them are
some cool-lookin' sneakers."
TOAD/BONE/SPLIB/EGGPLANT/HAMMERHEAD/HAMHOCK--synonyms
for "Afro-American."
YOU GOT LOVE--Your
sentence/judicial decision was light and favorable to
you.
YOU PUT ME ON FRONT
STREET--You unintentionally
ratted me out.
Illustration by Jim Blanchard
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2001 X Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. copyright | trademark | legal notices |
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