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| xmag.com
: December 2001: Jack Shack |
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The
brother gets a new crib. He invites these fine sistas
over to party. What do they do? Piss all over the damn
place. He don't mind, they fuck and suck him and his bro's
til'll [sic]
they dry!
--Video
box to Sista's Gotta Piss
SISTA'S
GOTTA PISS
Filmco
2001 / Director: MC Piss Hammer
Stars:
The Twins (Chocolate & Mocha), Lola Lane, Skyy, Tony
Eveready, Devlin Weed, Byron
 SISTA'S
GOTTA PISS 2
Filmco
2001 / Director: MC Piss Hammer
Stars:
Black Cat, Sierra, Diamond, Destiny, Dominico, Julian
St. Jox, Tony Eveready
I
piss so frequently, it's a wonder I find the time to do
anything else. There's a recent aimed-at-geriatrics TV
commercial that claims you may have a problem if you urinate
more than eight times within 24 hours. Fuck, there are
times I urinate more than eight times an hour. What's
wrong with me? Is it diabetes? Frickin' prostate cancer?
Too much coffee? I really should see a doctor about this,
but I'm scared.
Let's
say I'm having sex, and let's just say the girl's on top
and doesn't realize her thigh is pounding down on my bladder,
and why don't we just say that I have to excuse myself,
run to the bathroom with my hard cock boinging around,
and beat that erection into submission so I can drain
my bloated, itchy bladder? Are you with me?
Sex
and urination have become hopelessly intertwined for me,
so it was with great interest that I approached Filmco's
Sista's Gotta Piss series. American race relations
are also a personal obsession, if only for the comic potential.
So you have me, a hyper-urinating race-obsessed porno
reviewer, paired with a video series depicting fudge-colored
LA hood-rat nubiles pissin' all over the damn place. Hey--you
got sista's on my piss! No--you got piss on my sista's!
It's two great tastes that taste great together!
The
first Sista's Gotta Piss boasts a beautiful pair
of twin slim Negresses with wild green eyes named Chocolate
and Mocha. In the opening segment, one of them (they aren't
identified in the film) is shown pissing on the poolside
cement of some lavish, my-man-sells-lotsa-crack, SoCal
mansion. She says her little piss puddle is her "autograph."
She then leads her amiable male companion into a bedroom
where, under very bright, very clinical lighting, they
proceed to have sex while wacky, bongo-driven canary music
chirps in the background.
Her
partner is a heavy-lidded dreadlocked homeboy with a massive
Scud-missile dong. His cock is so big, it scares you when
you first see it. A mighty hammerhead shark. A giganto-choco-cock.
A real rhinoceros. Much bigger than, say, the average
human bowel movement. Naturally, he can't fit it all in
her. He doesn't even get the lower part of the shaft wet.
Lucky bastard.
Crouching
on the bed, she gives him a loooooooong blow job while
he stands at bedside, as motionless as a bank teller.
Later, as things heat up, a whitish paste forms on his
armpits. Is that what blacks refer to as "duck butter?"
Or is it more properly "pit butter?" And the couple is
flailing about athletically during intercourse, weird
gummy white morsels start forming on his cock and her
ass cheeks. Is that possibly "duck butter?" Or maybe it's
a combination of "nut butter" and "twat butter." Whatever
it's called, I say "hats off!" to the blacks for their
bodies' natural-born self-lathering capabilities.
The
green-eyed twin suddenly interrupts their coupling to
run outside and piss. They finally resume fucking, his
pachydermal nutsack tightens, and he dumps a huge load
of tapioca pudding on her brown cheeks.
It
is around this time when I realize I have to pee.
The
next segment begins with a chubby black girl at the same
poolside, looking off-camera and squirting a bold, high-arced
yellow stream from her snatch. It's unsettling how the
piss comes out in a solid projectile as with males. It
looks like it's coming out of a dick, only there's no
dick there. I sort of thought that with chicks,
piss
sort of sprayed outwardly, or maybe it just dribbled
down their legs or something.
A
shaven-skulled
hi-yella brudda with convict-style tattoos approaches
the errant urinatress and reprimands her about piddling
on his property. He then whips out his dingy and begins
pissing, too, just to show her how wrong it is. This
excites her. She explains that she pissed outside because
it was such a beautiful day, which seems fair enough
to me. She even offers to clean it up. They repair into
the house. The wide-eyed strawberry then gives him a
blow job while sensuous guitars strum on the soundtrack.
She then blurts out a piss stream Exorcist-style
on his hardwood floor while blowing him. "Why'd you
do that shit?!?" he asks, and she just keeps sucking
his knob without answering. "Sista's jus' gots ta
piss, dat's why," is what her silence seems to convey.
I
pause the tape and run into the bathroom to drain my
main vein. Roughly a quart of foamy yellow pee-pee gushes
from my Love Faucet.
More
scenes, more urinating Negresses, more black blow jobs
and black intercourse. Another chubby black girl with
vulva-enshrouding lingerie pisses in the kitchen sink.
She sports hanging tits with nipples the size of chocolate
donuts. There's a possible cesarean scar. Like prior
segments, this one's extraordinarily sparse on dialogue.
Black dude walks up. Braids and sagging jeans, big belly.
He strips down to sneakers and socks. She blows him.
Together they engage in negroidal coitus, her baloonish
boobs bobbling in syncopation with their thrusting.
He shoots a very tiny load on her face.
The
first Sista's was apparently such a raging success,
its sequel was released less than two months later.
The pattern is the same as with the first film: A black
woman pisses, is scolded, then becomes suddenly aroused
and engages in 45 minutes of sucky-fucky. The sequel
features a scene of a black man eating a black woman's
pussy, a phenomenon so apparently rare that some had
relegated it to the realm of urban legend. But mostly
it's lots of blow jobs and very little cunnilingus,
which is the way I suspect it is with most couples.
I
must take this opportunity to
complain about the general level of poor spelling within
the black porn industry. I mean, sometimes I realize
it's for effect...to be "cool," to be "ghetto," to be
"hippity-hop" or whatever...but other times I have to
conclude that some of these dumb bastards simply can't
spell, especially when they spell the SAME THING different
ways. For example, while the film is called Sista's
Gotta Piss on the box, it's Sista's Gotta Piz
on the actual film's credits. Likewise, it's Sista's
Gotta Piss 2 on the box and Sista's Gotta Pee
Too! on the credits. And performers identified as
Devlin and Chocolate on the screen credits are called
Delvin and Chocalate on the box. And what's up with
the apostrophe in "Sista's"? Do they know it's
wrong? Do they care? It's a disgrace, and such lackadaisical
attitudes only tend to drag their people down, especially
after everything they've been through. The black porn
industry would be wise to use a spell-check.
I
should note that I was unable to make it through either
film without having to pause the videotape and go piss.
Sista's
gotta piss...and so's do I!
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