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It’s about one hour into our session in bed and as I’m pumping away, my mind begins to wander. Instead of thinking about the fact that I’m having sex with a gorgeous former exotic dancer with a killer body, something I heard on the news just before going to bed comes back to haunt me, “Who are the Cavaliers gonna get to replace Lenny Wilkins? The man has won more NBA games than any other coach: what the hell were they thinking?!” I regain my focus a moment later and we continue power-thumping. One week later, we break up. The point (if there is one) to this odd anecdote, is that we sometimes let our minds wander during sex, for a variety of reasons and with a variety of possible outcomes. Guys will sometimes try a number of gimmicks to prolong sex. The mental ones are the best. The guys who use “prolong creams” are beyond me. They numb off all sensation from their woody so that they can keep using it longer. What they seem to be thinking is, “I like to make piston-like pumping movements for a really long time for no apparent reason.” Or maybe they’re telling their partner, “Darling, because I really love you I want to make sure I am totally unaware of any contact my private parts might make with yours.” If I ever get that “romantic” (or codependent), shoot me. So what mental gimmicks work? Thinking of something completely unsexy is the obvious one, but that has some of the same vibe as the prolong-cream option. You’re saying to yourself, “I want to really enjoy sex, so I’ll do whatever it takes not to notice that I’m having the sex I’m trying to enjoy.” For me, reverse psychology does the trick. I know that I can go for hours as long as the woman doesn’t say anything like, “Oh God, don’t stop now.” Until she brought it up, the thought of stopping had never entered my mind. Once the pressure is on to not stop, however, I get the sexual two-minute warning. As long as my partner is literally begging me, “Jesus! Do it now! Please baby, come right away!” I can go on as close to indefinitely as the laws of friction will allow. While the guy is trying to make it last longer, there is more than a slight chance that the woman is hoping it will all be over soon. Women, I am told, sometimes find themselves going along with sex even when their partner is in no way thrilling, or if the mood isn’t right. During these times, they tell me, they try to keep their minds occupied on other things to help the time pass, which is why I thoughtfully offer to provide reading material (or in some cases, coloring books and crayons). Another possibility is a favorite brain-teaser of mine: A woman leaves Los Angeles at 10 am Pacific Time on Train A, heading west at 45 miles per hour. Another woman leaves NYC at 2 pm Eastern Time on Train B, heading west at 50 miles per hour. Here’s the question: what is each woman wearing and why? I still don’t have the answer for that one. All I know for sure is that if either of the women insists on getting off right away, it’s gonna be a looong ride. |