My boyfriend used to be a junkie, but he is
clean now. The other day I found a burnt spoon
and a syringe in his bathroom. I asked him
about it and he said it wasn't his. When I
asked him who's it was he said he thought
it might be his old roommate's, but I used
to date his old roommate and I highly doubt
that he is a junkie now. I think either he
is using again or he is cheating on me with
a junkie. I don't know what to do. I just
want to know the truth. Help Me!
First off I don't like the acronym I.R.L.H.
so for the purpose of this reply I will refer
to you as Stupid Cunt.
Listen up Stupid Cunt, your letter is a little
far fetched. First of all everyone knows that
former junkies hardly ever start using after
they decide to quit. When using drugs becomes
boring people do one of two things. They either
overdose so that people won't think them quitters,
or they quit and accept that all their friends
are going to think that they are losers. For
some people it is worth the scorn of their
friends to avoid scrubbing their own puke
out of other peoples' couches.
If your boyfriend/pimp (it's between the lines,
let's be adults) says that he quit, then he
quit. Your constant questions are probably
what he hates most about you. Unless you have
long acrylic nails with palm trees air brushed
onto them in which case he probable hates
everything about you equally.
As for his old roommate possibly using I would
have to say that that is a very good possibility.
Judging from the simpering tone of your letter,
anyone who used to date you is a very good
candidate for junkiedom. Just as the Vietnam
war (That was a war in Vietnam that took place
in the 1960's; by all accounts it was pretty
awful, though some people liked it because
there were a lot of whores there. You probably
would have done great.) turned millions of
American G.I.'s on to opiates to alleviate
the horrors of war, millions of jobless deadbeats
who date skanks like you turn to opiates to
alleviate the horrors of dating whores. He
is probably also gay now.
My guess is yes, your boyfriend and his former
roommate are now junkies. I mean gay junkies,
which can be a really fun thing to be. Forty
percent of a gay junkie's day is spent getting
his dick sucked, so don't feel bad. You did
him a favor. And unlike you, the guys who
suck his dick now don't scrape their teeth
up and down the shaft of his dick. (Out of
curiosity is there anyone in your boyfriend's
circle of friends whom you haven't fucked?
When your boyfriend leaves you next Friday
ask yourself that question before sending
me another poorly punctuated letter.)
As for whether or not your boyfriend is cheating
on you, that's an easy one. Yes. He is. Guys
who date skanks like you date them so that
they will not feel bad about cheating on them
with another skank. Just as you got drunk
and fucked your boyfriend's best friend last
Wednesday (don't live in denial, you know
you did), he got an erection on Thursday and
your best friend had an orifice that wasn't
being used at the moment. How can you really
be pissed off when the three of you had a
three-way on Tuesday? I know it feels like
a betrayal when you're not tied to a chair
in the corner of the room watching with a
rubber ball gag strapped over your mouth,
but oh well. Your life sucks. Probably God
is punishing you for turning all those guys
gay.
