Shocking
as it may sound, the majority of straight American males
think that being gay is a totally acceptable lifestyle.
No shit. If you're gay, it is A-OK with about 80% of
the male population in this country. Gay, that is, if
GAY means a totally hot lesbian who'll go down on her
hot, nubile girlfriend for your viewing pleasure. And
though they have many cute buzzing toys for penetration,
what they're REALLY waiting for is a man (you) to come
along and cure them with a good deep dickin'. Now THAT'S
fuckin' GAY! WOO-HOO! Hand me a rainbow sticker!
I have a good friend who is a remarkable fire dancer.
He is lithe and graceful--thin but beautifully chiseled.
He, like his art, is hot-hot-hot. He's handsome, built
and gay as a lace doily. One night, as I hooted and
hollered for him while he twirled his torches to goth
metal music, something funny happened. Two men at the
bar asked if he was my boyfriend.
These guys had been trying to get my attention for some
time with small talk and inane questions. How tall am
I? How far does that tattoo go down? Annoying, yes.
But this last line struck me as very funny, so I had
to bite. "No, he is not," I mused. "Truth be told, he
prob'ly sucks a better cock than me." This was highly
offensive to the men, so I happily went on. "What's
wrong with that? YOU could prob'ly suck better dick
than any woman in here, only 'cause you have one...
a dick, that is."
They both resembled the slack jawed buzzard from Bugs
Bunny, shaking their heads comically muttering 'Nn-nn-noooope-nope-nope'.
It was funny how upset they were at the very idea of
one of them orally honoring the cock. I mean, who doesn't
love cock? I pressed on. "Look, it doesn't make you
gay to know what feels good. I can eat pussy better
than any man in here, regardless of his length of tongue
or his technique. Does that make me gay?" They brightened
at this idea.
"Well, THAT would be OK.," blurted one. His friend guffawed
in agreement.
"Of course it would! As it would be OK for you guys
to get it on with each other." They laughed out another
stream of no-no-no-no's, clearly horrified at the thought.
"But really, what makes you GAY is your choice of partner,
your preference. Not the isolated experiences you might
have while sexually experimenting. I've fucked a bunch
of girls and I'm fairly straight. There are straight
guys out there who like to get fucked in the ass with
dildos and stuff by their girlfriends and they're not
gay. They're just experienced. I mean, when you get
down to it, a REAL man isn't afraid of ANYTHING. If
he's a virile buck, a sexual tyrannosaurus, then he
should be able to bravely slam into anything or anyone,
man, woman or microwaved cantaloupe. He's in charge,
he's the MAN. Fuck what anybody else thinks, right?
Look at it this way.... you love to fuck women, right?"
Enthusiastic agreement. "You're always chasing us around
trying to get in us. You've been chatting me up all
night trying. Maybe if you tried fucking another man,
we'd have something to talk about, something in common.
Taking it in the ass for women, now THAT'S a MAN. THAT'LL
get you laid for sure!"
They were quiet for a moment. Then a little starting
gun went off and they both were laughing the 'oh she's
just fucking with us' laugh, chortling in unison. "No
way. Never. Not me....ugh-uh. Nope, not the kid. No
thanks."
"No one's accusing you guys of anything here. But it's
common knowledge that the more vehemently one refuses
to even contemplate homoeroticism, the more likely he
is actually very curious about chugging cock or being
ass-fucked by another man. But you're so scared someone'll
think you're gay, you deny your feelings. At the same
time, in your loudest man voice, you repeat endlessly
you're not gay YOU'RE NOT YOU'RE NOT YOU'RE NOT! O.K.
you're not. Funny thing is, the louder you deny being
gay or homo-curious, the more you look like a big ol'
closet case. So if you're not, shut up....nothing to
prove, right? But if you are, be free, love the cock.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean 'GAY' is another
word for happy, right?"
They didn't answer and didn't talk to me the rest of
the night.
