by
J. Mack
The U.S. is currently at war for oil? Should clubs
hire strippers with bootie acne and other thangz?
Are you bored with the Portland nightlife? Did that
chick just fart on stage? These are just a few of
the questions that I will be answering in this month's
"Whatz crackin'."
Peace
out to Club Exotica!
Last
Sunday night was the end of Girlz Nite Out! According
to the management, the owner of the club didn't
want to pay my crew and myself what we were worth.
Can you say "tight wad?" We gave this cat a love
price from the jump and invited people to the club
that actually spent money. I think that what it
boils down to is that the OLCC (Oregon Liquor Control
Commission) and the Portland Police Department has
issues with Club Exotica from a past manager. It's
really sad that people blame music for the ignorance
of others. My message to the owner is if something
is broke then try to fix it, but while repairs are
being made, don't hit it with a sledgehammer. To
the DJ's, bartenders, dancers and management, thanks
for the love. To everyone that came out and supported
a real cool function, don't trip 'cause we are relocating
to the International Club on M.L.K. & San Rafael
on April 20th. The event will be co-promoted by
Exotic Magazine. If you weren't able to make
it out, peep the pics!!!
War
for Oil?
If you claim that you're fighting terrorism, why
become a terrorist? I guess the United Nations wasn't
moving fast enough for our President. Even though
Saddam Hussein has done some terrible things in
the past, he's never dropped any bombs on us. For
Mr. Bush to ignore the request of the UN and start
a fight with Iraq is only going to cause unnecessary
deaths and more problems here in the States. They
claim it's not about the oil, but why are they in
such a hurry to secure the oil fields? Bush also
tries to say that he is freeing the Iraqi people
from an evil dictator, but every one of them elected
Saddam for their president. Little George Jr. is
this month's recipient of the Hidden Agenda Award!
Power to the protesters!!!
Lumpitty
Bumpitty's
Some of these cats that do the hiring at the local
strip clubs are blind in one eye, and can't see
out the other. On my mission to find "The Honey
of the Month," I came across some cuties and some
bumpy booties. Those black lights in the strip clubs
work wonders. This past month I decided to take
a closer look at things, if you know what I mean.
From a distance, I saw one of the prettiest girlz
I'd seen in a while. I decided to walk up and sit
at her rack. As she began to back that thang up,
I began to back my chair up. Her facial features
were beautiful and her body was bangin', but her
ass looked like it had mutha-fuckin' chickenpox!!!
Either that or somebody had been shooting her in
the butt with a BB gun before she came to work.
She is this month's winner of the Nasty Rashy Ass
Award. This award is really not one to be proud
of, so if you never want to win it, wash yo' bootie
baby!!!
Ms.
Lumpitty 
This
chick had a "Big" problem!!! She is this months
winner of the What The FUCK Is THAT Award!!! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Daaaamnnnnnn!!!
No
She Didn't!!!
Yes she did
and I still can't believe it! It wasn't cool and
it stunk. Last weekend, while again searching for
the right Honey to put in this month's article,
I visited a little strip club on the outskirts of
town. I felt bad for this lonely stripper who was
dancing her ass off to get someone at her stage.
Me and a couple of my partners sat at her rack to
give her some moral support. She was so happy to
see us that she really started dancin' her heart
out. In the middle of her rump shake routine, I
heard a loud trumpet sound! "Oh hell no," yelled
one of my boyz. "This bitch just farted man!" None
of us could believe it. This chick let out some
serious gastric toxins right in front of us and
she couldn't even play it off. She just turned red
and tried to apologize, but her fart had really
pissed us off. I covered up my drink, picked up
my dollar, and got the fuck up. It smelled so bad
that it gave me a headache. That was the type of
fart that probably had shit behind it. It was a
funky situation y'all foreal!!!
Party
Pick of the Month
"Rasheed and
the Fam"
The
Honey of the Month 
This month the award goes to Pocah of Atlanta, GA.
She's doing her thang in the entertainment business
and gettin' paid in full!!! One Love Girl...
If you have
a honey that you think should be selected, e-mail
me at whatzcrackin_j@hotmail.com
Until
next month, "Keep It Crackin'!"
Much
Love,
J.Mack
