sparrows fly in to clean their teeth. We shuddered in fear as the
monsters roared and growled over their cheese fries. As the night
went on, the bar grew darker both in its lighting scheme and its
quotient of lustful Afro-American males. Pesky, shifty, oily Negro gents trickled in, using their hard-earned "street wisdom" to seduce and beguile these legions of docile fat white chicks. These girls would squeal with excitement when one of those little dark rascals latched onto them and pretended they were interested in more than sticking their big hard black wonguses inside them.

The BBWs sang empowering songs about lower taxes and
lesbian marriage. They swayed their huge udders to classic 1980s
love ballads. In a potentially dangerous attempt to get a better view, I wheedled my way within the very herd itself as it shifted and sweated and snorted on the dance floor, causing incalculable trauma to the building's foundations.

It was as if I was surrounded by giant licorice sticks and matzo balls. It was really fuckin' cool.

I could see a sadness in the girls' eyes, a sadness rendered
more poignant when one pondered the cold brown sex-driven lifelessness in the eyes of the black men, these horsecocked, ill-tempered, criminally prone studs who wasted no effort in swindling
and manipulating the pathetic, guilt-ridden, self-loathing she-oxen. Sadly, these dames will be left with little more than a sore asshole, stained sheets, a fake phone number, and the eternal shame for you and your race because you chose to sell it out for a few cheap thrills and a few more inches.

I saw for myself a display of unbridled carnality that made me shudder with concern for ALL fat chicks. I mean, c'mon, white man, rise to the moment! If any of you peckerwoods had read my prior article about how to pick up fat chicks in bars, these shameful racial atrocities wouldn't be occurring. Why do you suppose these men, only one step removed from the jungles, victimize white women almost exclusively? Some say it's a primal desire of Negroes to
display their obese wives as evidence of prosperity and the ability to provide for a clan.

You guys have been fucking your fat primate wives for thousands of years before whitey ever walked out of the caves. And now you're goin' after MY fat primate wife. What's up with that?

The real reason that black guys prey on white chicks is because no black chick would put up with their shit. No self-respecting Negress would stand for dat mess.

There's only one reason for this shocking trend of big black dicks and fat white chicks:

Lower expectations.

They say that in every woman, there's a little girl. In some of them, there are MANY little girls. Some of these little girls crave the guy who plays the daddy role; some of them just want a big black jelly roll.

So this is my offer. This is my solution. I'm gonna raise funds, raise public consciousness, and overall just get my shit together. Maybe I'll use the check I get from Exotic as seed money for my bold new
project. I'm gonna throw a gigantic pizza feed which is open to WHITES ONLY with the hopes of circumventing this horrific interracial trend. The offer of free pizza will draw all the fat white chicks in town hoping to stuff hot, cheese-laden Italian treats down their throats. Under threat of punishment should they refuse, we will then arrange forced marriages between them and suitable white male candidates, whereby these couples will produce numerous beautiful white sons and daughters of the Only Pure Race God Has Ever Created.

We need to stop the mud flow before we all drown, all ye brave white men! All ye bold, brave, saucy, sexy, spicy white mateys o' mine! All you well-hung Aryan studs swingin' your long white anchors around in the locker room when you think I ain't lookin'! Start sieg-hieling with those bold Teutonic tools of yours, pretty-boys!

As always, lesbians would be forbidden from existing in our pure new all-white Portland singles scene. No free pizza for women whose white wombs remain barren! Crank out those babies, white ladies!

[Josh, you're really straying from the
subject. --Ed.]

OK. Sorry. They told me in my anger-management class that I was a racist. And maybe I am. Maybe they should dig a hole in the center of the earth and throw all the bad people like me in it. Maybe there's no room for me on this planet, what with all the fat white chicks and black dicks willing to stick 'em like the pigs they are. Maybe I don't want to live on a planet that's polluted like that. Maybe our precious seed is in jeopardy. Maybe the editor already sold out his race when he became bewitched by that Jewish chick.

[Josh, this is getting ridiculous. I don't think we're getting a feel for the actual event, which is what the article was originally intended to be all about. Suddenly you come out of nowhere spewing vile racist ideology, and you don't expect me to get upset? I mean, I realize the problem is a BIG problem, too, but we gotta keep this shit quiet, or people are gonna wanna hurt us. Comprende? --Ed.]

Alright, I understand, 'wood. We gotta keep this shit underground and on the convict tip. Overall, it was a cool night, and somebody told me that a lot of fat white chicks and a cluster of big black dicks went over to somebody's house for an after-hours orgy. And I swear it doesn't bother me. The spirits of my ancestors will cleanse the filth soon enough.