Page 34 - Exotic | May 2024

Note: I’ll try to keep spoilers to a minimum, but truth be told, I’m probably not going to try very hard. I assume anybody who gives a shit about Road House has already seen both versions at least a handful of times by now.
When I learned a few months ago that a remake of Road House, starring Jake Gyl- lenhaal as Dalton, was in the works, I imme- diately knew I’d be writing about it once it was released. Those of you who have been reading my shit since I started writing for Exotic last summer might recall a piece that I wrote in July, praising Swayze’s Dalton for his approach to bouncer work (The Dalton Approach, July 2023. You can find it in the ar- chives at xmag.com if you missed it!). People who know me well know how much I love the original.
the final boss bad guy sure didn’t do much to reassure. They were going to wind up vali- dating Family Guy’s assertion that the only message in Road House is “that every prob- lem in life can be solved by kicking.”
Then there’s the problem of movie remakes in general, especially when it’s a remake of any Swayze flick. Point Break? Dirty Danc- ing? Red-fucking-Dawn? The remakes were all hot garbage. Not one of them is fresher than 19 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Do you know why? Because to try and improve on anything Swayze has ever done demon- strates a level of hubris that tends to anger the gods...that’s why. Yet, here they were, re- making Swayze again. It’s like they wanted to get their livers pecked out by eagles for all eternity. Or at least see their movie flop like the rest, which is arguably worse.
The first couple of times watching through it, I hated it. I knew I would initially hate it for all the reasons I just listed. Then, I watched it a couple more times, having shaken off my preconceptions. When giving it a more ob- jective view, my impression was that it was a pretty decent action flick. I thought Connor McGregor was amazing, and I hope he does more acting after this, which surprised me a little bit but probably shouldn’t have. His character Knox was possibly the most enter- taining, chaotic, evil character I’ve ever seen. Gyllenhaal was awesome as Dalton, which didn’t surprise me at all. I’ve admired him as an actor since his portrayal of Anthony Swof- ford in Jarhead. As an action movie, this new version of Road House has everything: fight- ing, explosions, corruption, speed boats, fighting on speed boats, explosions on speed boats, a crocodile, more fighting, and Post Malone’s shirtless, inked-up dad bod.
To me, though, it certainly didn’t hold its own against the original. There was just too much missing, not least of which...precisely the things I had worried they’d leave out. Sure, there were a few cool nods to the origi- nal: Dalton telling the doctor stitching him up that “No one wins a fight,” the restaurant next to the bookstore named the Double Deuce, hell, even the bookstore itself echoed the original Dalton’s penchant for reading (I’m not entirely certain Gyllenhaal’s version even knows how to read, but I am entirely certain he didn’t have Swayze’s philosophy degree). On the other hand, the absence of Dalton’s mentor, Wade Garrett, left a notice- able void in the story. Gyllenhaal’s Dalton sure could have used someone giving him sound advice, watching his back, and call- ing him “mijo” on a regular basis. Swayze and Sam Elliott portrayed a really great example of a hetero-male friendship grounded in a healthy brand of masculinity; their trust in— and vulnerability with—each other and the ease with which they expressed affection to one another really added to the sense that Dalton was a level-headed guy who wasn’t approaching his job with undue aggression or machismo. Trading that out for Gyllen- haal’s archetypal sullen loner felt like a step backward for the character.
Of course, since a big part of that love is because of its portrayal of my chosen pro- fession, a remake in which Dalton is a UFC fighter rather than a career bouncer caused me some concern. I worried that this version would disregard the professional ethos of Swayze’s Dalton and simply become a fight- ing movie. No more “I want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice.” Just a bunch of dudes punching each other’s heads in. Con- nor McGregor making his acting debut as
It wasn’t until a few nights ago, when I was discussing the movie at work with my friend Bill, that I began to see it in its proper con- text. The remake is best viewed, he informed me, as a prequel. Holy shit. It all clicked into place. It’s not meant as a reimagining of Swayze—it’s Dalton’s origin story. Of course, the character took a step backward; Gyllen- haal’s character lacks the benefit of years of
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