I was once told that you can learn a lot about a person from what they listen to. I don’t know who told me this because, frankly, I wasn’t paying attention. But, be that as it may, I’ve spent the past month wasting time...er...working very hard on researching this article. I’ve clocked untold hours (mostly untold because I’m embarrassed to admit how many there are) selflessly bodysurfing from one web site to another just to bring you the gems of the web.

It’s been a special treat...er...burden for me this month because I’ve been adding tons of new sound files to my bulging collection. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept behind public-domain digital sounds, or why anyone would even want a damn sound, allow me to explain. There are a number of sound formats available these days and most machines (Mac’s, PC’s, Sun workstations, UNIX boxes, Amigas) can listen to most formats with very little, if any, trouble. What trouble does occur is because of the plethora of file formats in geekdom. The .AU format was originally for Macs only, but with the installation of simple, freeware RealAudio software a PC can get in on the fun. .AU sounds are often smaller, which is especially nice when you’re trying to conserve space. The .WAV format was built by and for Windows by Billy Gates. MIDI files (.MID) are extremely small music files using pure synthesized sound; and then there are the larger .MOD files, originally given unto us by our Amiga-using brethren. These are weird, but basically they’re a mixture of synth and pre-sampled sounds that are surprisingly complex for their size.

But what’s the point? Ooooo...so many points, but I’ll be quick. Fun, for one. Reminiscence, for another. Adding to your web page, for a third. And (dig this) you can also include sound files in many of your work or home application projects. Imagine your honey’s delight when s/he/it opens up the household spreadsheet and hears Homer Simpson proudly declare “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn,” or when you send that 2 weeks notice to your boss via disk and s/he/it hears Homer (again with the Homer?) say “Kill my boss? Dare I live the American dream!?” You can see how sound files could be a valuable addition to your cluttered filing system, if only for your mental health.

After doing a general search from the Webcrawler for “WAVS”, I stumbled across something really wonderful; the Sound Ring. The Sound Ring was founded in 1996 for fans of digital sounds. Each linked page must have at least 10 sounds and be of high quality. By clicking on the “Next Sound Ring Site” icon, you can move to the next site on the ring. You also have the option to skip a site, view the names of the next five, or be flung randomly (“AIEEEE!”) to a linked site.

One of my favorite Sound Ring sites is the “The Daily .WAV” (http://www.dailywav.com). This site has a number of sounds from my (and apparently a good number of other people’s) fave TV shows and films: Duckman, The Simpsons (a net regular), Animaniacs, Loony Toons, Star Trek, Babylon 5, Lost in Space, The Tick, The Birdcage, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Babe among others. All files are of a manageable size for a 14.4 modem and I found no dead links. The site has links to all sorts of groovy sound and media pages, loads fairly quickly and is a pleasure to view. It is also updated...daily. Imagine that.

Another fun Sound Ring site is Earchives (http://www.geocities.com/ Hollywood/1158/earchive.html). While it doesn’t offer as many selections as some other pages, all are high quality and good choices. The vast majority of these sounds are from films, although there are a few areas for TV sound bites, like Doctor Who. Also expect to find 2001, 2010, Amazon Women on the Moon, Big, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, Get Shorty and Groundhog Day, among others. Sounds that may be inappropriate for young children are labeled with a warning icon. The attractive marble background loads swiftly and does not detract from readability.

For those of you who pricked up your ears at the words Doctor Who I gotta tell you to check out the Doctor Who .WAV Archive (http://users.mwci.net /~mrogers/index.html). This is an amazing site. It’s attractive, it doesn’t have dead links and there are sounds from all seven doctors, including bits from the most recent TV movie, as well as villains, TARDIS sounds and themes. (There is absolutely no content from that incredible stinkburger, Dr. Who and the Daleks, starring Peter Cushing, 1965.) If you’re wondering where that sound you didn’t get last month is, best to check in the "Exited .WAV List." It’s where the epitaphs for all the dead .WAVs go.

There are many other pages that are well worth listing, but the final one I want to go into detail about is Ruger’s Sound Repository (http://nidlink.com/~ruger/wavs1.html). This page, created by the man who started the Sound Ring, includes sounds from classic movies, not so classic movies, John Wayne flicks, and rock & roll. There are .WAVs of all sizes and simple, loadable visuals.

If you’re really interested in getting some synthetic classical (MIDI), I can’t recommend The Classical Midi Connection highly enough. (http://www.dtx.net/~raborn/frames.html). It has excellent MIDI music from the Renaissance, Baroque, Romantic and Impressionist eras, as well as a wide selection from the 20th century. And once you’ve gone through those files, there are more – truly an obsessive-compulsive’s wet-dream.

Well, I’ve been off-line for several hours now and I’m beginning to get the shakes. Time to get another can of black cherry soda, something crunchy, turn on the TV (where is that MST3K tape anyway?), wonder whether my clock is telling me it’s AM or PM and get my 28.8 fix of cyber-insight. Me? A junkie? I can quit any time I want. I just don’t want to.