At Internext, adult website content providers and tech companies hawk their wares, "barely 18" web-stars pose and skintrepeneurs such as myself take notes on the ways of the new domain. For five days I filled a suitcase with free porno-themed loot: calendars, magazines, and promo T-shirts, like, "It's all about blowjobs" and "I Heart Porn." The lube samples were harder to come by until I discovered the booth for Outster.com, a gay site that gave out bottles of Astroglide. I can say that the palette of web talent was of a bleached-blonde, skinny, B-side variety. I found Portland's webster Stryder of Skane Media/ www.chickshack.com by following his infectious laugh to the booth. Happy Birthday, Stryder!

ARIA GIOVANNI! ARIA GIOVANNI! ARIA GIOVANNI! Those two words summed up the hottest sight on the floor. Running into Andrew Blake's latest contract girl stole away my last year's CES flame--meeting Lexington Steele. Aria is a sophisticated, natural-breasted, young brunette much like the star in Radley Metzger's early 70's film Camille 2000. Did I say real breasts? Real hips, too! Naturally, I had to meet Aria--Penthouse Pet of September '00! She's a sweet, quiet, sexy girl with a yummy personality. Look for her in Blake's new release Aria and at her personal site, aria-giovanni.com.

An Internext highlight was meeting William Margold--porn star, producer and activist of 30 years. He was holding court at the Free Speech Coalition booth with porn stars Christie Lake and Anita Cannibal; I slipped a donation for the poster and introduced myself. Almost instantly, he spouted, "I am smitten, renaissance woman!" Our chat quickly gave way to a shared obsessive fandom of the original Star Trek series. William noticed that my nipples hardened through my dress when he mentioned that he knew Leonard Nimoy. "Geez, you really do have a thing for him!" Margold observed. Yessirree! The Free Speech Coalition is dedicated to preserving our constitutional right to free speech; pornography, of course, comes under that umbrella. So keep an eye on our new administration! Margold is also involved with PAW--Protecting Adult Welfare, an agency aiding the well-being of talent after adult industry life. He also heads FOXE--Fans Of X-rated Entertainment. As Margold puts it, "preserving the X letter of the alphabet...without fans, there is no porn."

Convention nightlife means free parties, not worth attending without VIP passes. To avoid mucking about with fans in bad nightclubs, one must scam doormen and charm porn stars in order to gain access to the presidential suites in hotels. Our band of porn gypsies breezed into the most exclusive parties on the Manolo Blahnik heels of porn queen Brittany Andrews. Imagine a Pucci-wearing, platinum-blonde, XXX-style Fran Drescher with a wickedly balanced sense of Diva humor and you've got Brittany. Check out her site, www.brittanyandrews.com. In her flick, World's Biggest Footjob Gangbang, she wore glass slippers filled with Creme de la Man! Director Chi Chi La Rue's boys wowed us with a gay-boy soiree. Lounging over beds in a lavish suite were the finest gay porn studs: There's nothing like lithe stripper boys clad in banana slings, free drinks, and SAUSAGES! I, however, do NOT eat sausage--it's carcass in a casing. But around all that manmeat, I got sooo hungry, I had to dine! I slunk over to the chef, who seemed non-plused about the ironic menu and asked him to gimme somethin' in a bun! My boy pal scored a three-way with hot talent and my gal pal got to "fluff" the heavily accented cowboy stripper between scenes!

Twas nearing the end of the convention and still no sight of Rocco Siffredi--Italian stallion actor director to die for. Boo-hoo! I was prepared to let him spank my ass: one cheek for me and the other for my Rocco-lovin' best friend, Miss Lickins. Rocco, you turn me into a rutting slut in 5 onscreen seconds. I will name all of my friend's pets after you, because you are so nasty!

Over and out of batteries!