Dustin Kuhlman. My old sandbox buddy. The freckled face boy with whom I swapped sandwiches on the bus, built elaborate forts out of mud and grass, and defeated the storm troopers. After he had the birds and bees talk with his mum, we sat on the curb as he explained in great detail what had been discussed. Icky, vile, nonsense and lies I had thought. The boy who later, well, never mind .... Where is he? I am searching for a lost screw, are you?

Apparently, all my old classmates went fleeing from the cow patty town we grew up in. Along with myself. Does Jenny Peters have a big butt now? What about the valedictorian, Brian Jones? Maybe he's got a million kids and a crack habit? And Seven! What happened to her??? (heh, heh)

It might seem like a boiling-bunny-on-the-stove, Jenny-Jones-look-at-me-now sort of gesture, but dammit, I'm curious. What tales I could tell these people! What tales would they tell me?

I begin my quest in search of some high school thugs. (Jenny Peters... big butt?) www.classmates.com/ is a good start! Classmates.com offers a free listing of your school's alumni directory and alumni directories for more than 30,000 high schools (2.8 million alumni). View photos of former classmates and (sniff) nostalgia. The catch is when you want to get the e-mail addresses. No sign of bigbutt or Dustin Kuhlman here, but I shrug and add my name to the list of recognizable geeks in my school's listing.

Another wonderful tool for locating people is through all the instant message programs. Unless you have been living in the stone age, most likely you, your friends, and family are already tapped in. (A great way to give the finger to the long distance phone companies) The two most commonly used instant messengers are AOL instant messenger www.aol.com/aim/ and ICQ www.icq.com/. Not only can you instantly communicate with a fellow droog, but you can take advantage of the "people search" that's offered. Seven commands you to download these programs now if you have not already!

I turn my search to the public records. www .search3.knowx.com/home/home.exe?form=home.htm (phew) and lo and behold there he is!!!!! Dustin Kuhlman, I have homed in on you!!! Along with a whole list of other old chums. KnowX.com seems to be the most complete listing of public records. For a small fee, not only can I get an address and e-mail listing of my pretty, but a credit and criminal check as well. That is more information than I care to know, and it prompts me to search for myself. I am learning a reverse lesson here. If I can find out about them, they can find out about me. Scary.

So lets face it, unless you're a computer genius, if you are hooked up online, you can be found. Just follow the trails. Keep in mind that those paper trails (old bills, credit cards, that ciggie offer you signed up for in a drunken stupor at the bar) create paths that can be followed. Whether you have dinked around on the net or not (Paranoid now!?), your name means money to these people. Sure it might take a little finger work (possibly a credit card), but "where's Waldo" is within your reach. Get to stalking luvs!

Click on that sweethearts!!

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