by Rex Breathes rexbreathes@hotmail.com
DROP SEX
Evil Angel
Stars: Jennifer Cartier, Mikki Malone, Skyla Woods, Kimberly Jade, Jake Steed, Sean Rider, Sean Michaels...Drop Sex opens with a blonde in a red PVC jump suit walking down an alley so she can bump into some guy and jerk him off. He drops his load in the alley. Then her handler shows up and tells her to suck off the stranger and himself... the scene interspliced with black and white edits and surrealistic outtakes like the bitch is on crack. I’m sold so far. Eventually, she gets around to banging both of them in the steamy shadows. More sex and weird edits transpire in a bombed-out post-apocalyptic building. In the third millennium all balls will be shaved... I’m there, baby. And a handjob will always precede a kiss. (If she can’t make me come that way then I don’t want her fucking up my head.)
Gangsters in gray suits roam the decaying building oozing with deranged sex. A squatter gets beat-up then rescued by nurses in white latex who haul him off on a cart. Semi-conscious, he manages to come alive, below the waist, as white latex gloved hands administer first aid. Soon enough, he has eleven inches of dick fully alert and ready to rumble. One of the nurses tries to give him mouth to dick but can’t even fit the head in her mouth. Oh well. Nurse #2 fares slightly better. If you can’t suck him, fuck him... and they do.
First of all, John Leslie, who wrote, produced and directed Drop Sex, needs to have his head examined. Drop Sex is more like drop acid and make a video. And I like that.
Kimberly Jade and a Latin ‘ho take on Mr. Marcus looking like Mr. Clean. Kimberly gets off some good dirty talk as she shares her piece with the security guard (Marcus). If you watch closely (and the lop who rented this vid before me slow-mo’ed the fuck outa this scene so the tracking was wacking off), you will see that Mr. Marcus comes inside of Kimberly as soon as he crams all of his black monster into her pussy. (She’s that good.) Pro that he is, Marcus stays hard, finishes the scene and delivers the money shot–albeit just a few dinky drops–while laughing at his second coming. Now that’s a real man.
Later on, men in weird masks jack-off around a woman kneeling on a table sucking a dildo the size of the Eiffel Tower. One of the masked masturbators tosses dice on the table–trying to make his point while he beats off. I’ll have to try that one. Mikki Malone, in a red latex dress with garters attached to torn black stockings, takes Sean Michaels’ mighty licorice stick. If it wasn’t for the slow-mo’ masturbator who ruined my copy of Drop Sex, I might have actually gotten off on this offering. But alas, the white noise (on the screen, not in my head) started taking over this picture show... so, I gotta go. All that’s left now is the audio: her cries of real big black dick pain echoing through the warehouse as the dilapidated desk he’s fucking her on threatens to split apart before she does. Rex says rent a good copy and go for it.
WOMEN IN BLACK
Heatwave Video
Stars: Tabitha Stevens, Naomi, Kimberly Jade, Candy Vegas, Steve Hatcher...The obvious premise for this vid is porn stars (dressed in black PVC vinyl, of course) who hunt down those pesky aliens and dispose of them... with sex. I only mention WIB because it is the stupidest adult video ever made. Briefly, before I drop 20 IQ points, WIB starts out with two country cuties out for a hike and a snack pussy lunch when–aghast!–their mouths stumble upon a green skinned man wearing a blue cape and cowboy hat. It must be the lone alien ranger, properly equipped to fuck eager earthlings. Oh brother. Luckily, the black PVC jumpsuit clad agents show up to clean up this mess with their mouths. Lots more sex with green skinned people follows proving that porn producers are soft on brains, big on the color of money.
This column dedicated to the fifth porn star tested HIV positive this year... Kimberly Jade. (Jade is featured in the first two videos reviewed in this column.) I know I will miss her lean, taut, dancer’s body and dirty talkin’ mouth that could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. No disrespect intended and this is not a eulogy, but Kimberly won’t be sharing her gifts in any new videos. Hopefully, this will not turn into tragedy for Kimberly or any other afflicted actors. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter in the least how Jade contacted HIV. It’s a virus. And a virus doesn’t care how it gets there. Please, can we stop stigmatizing this disease, play safe and drop the anal obsession. Write some sexy scripts. Use the big head, the brain... the biggest sexual organ we all have in common.
Thanks to Taboo Video.