SKIN...SKIN...and more SKIN!!! The weather is changing and clothes are coming off. You can see evidence of it everywhere. People in shorts, cut-offs, t-shirts, tube tops, tank tops, loose halter tops and much much less! Glimpses of naked flesh! Glances that tattle: no underwear!!! I’m already perspiring...ooo...charmed!!
You are probably noticing how much hornier you are feeling at the on-set of summer. It certainly is an erotic time! However, sexual frustration can prompt you to prowl, cruise, and fantasize to an accelerated beat! Which makes me want to ask these probing questions:
“Are you having a lot more sex with your partner?”
“Are you masturbating much more frequently?”
“Are you engaging in anonymous sex, or frequent one-night stands?”
“Do you feel your sexual behavior is OUT-OF-CONTROL?!?”
What happens when excessive sex becomes compulsive sex? You feel powerless under the sex spell.
Now you may be thinking, there is NO such thing as “too much sex.” I am not talking about nymphomania (a rather rare condition of being unable to be sexually satisfied). I am talking about sexual behavior and preoccupation so extreme that it interferes with everyday functioning.
The above symptoms I am referring to spell out SEXUAL ADDICTION. One of the last addictions to come out of the closet, so to speak. I have to admit that at one time I thought, “What could be so bad about being addicted to sex?” When I was in college working on my bachelors degree in psychology, I became educated about the life-controlling nightmare of sexual addiction. While researching my paper I began reading books by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. He is one of the most knowledgeable and innovative authors on the topic. Throughout his books Out of the Shadows, Contrary to Love, and Don’t Call it Love, he lists the ten signs that indicate the presence of sexual addiction. Here are his key points of “Libido Madness,” as I like to call it:
1. A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior.
2. Severe consequences due to sexual behavior (i.e. getting arrested, etc.).
3. Inability to “stop” despite adverse consequences.
4. Persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high risk sexual “acting out.”
5. On-going desire or effort to limit sexual behavior unsuccessfully.
6. Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy.
7. Increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficient.
8. Severe mood changes around sexual activity.
9. EXTENSIVE amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, orrecovering from sexual experiences.
10. Neglecting important social, occupational, or recreational events because of sexual activity.
Whoa! Love slugs! You can easily see the powerlessness the sex addict is a victim of. If this article sends a chill down your spine or makes you think, “Oh my god, that’s me!” there is plenty of reading material available. There are many support groups that people can attend. There is a twelve-step program called: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Other similar groups have formed like Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, and Sex Addicts Anonymous.
Faithful readers of my column know I promote sexual fun and expression. I also support non-judgemental attitudes and validation of each individual. However, if your life has become unmanageable, do something about it or soon you will not be around to play with!!!
Forever Sexual,
Snickers LaBarr Thoughts, comments, or questions, call: (503) 727-2491 or write: LaBarr Productions, P.O.Box 22607, Portland, Oregon 97222-0607.