by Rex Breathes rexbreathes@hotmail.com
MODELS
Sin City
Stars: James Bonn, Nancy Vee, Tina Tyler, Michael J. Cox, Anita Blonde
Director, Kris Kramski"Models" received "AVN's" highest rating, so I'm remoteless with anticipation as I stick the promo copy all the way in. Ahhhh. "Models" opens with the make-up girl getting pancaked by the photog's rejection of her desperate advances. No matter. She sulks and masturbates (something I can identify with) until the model shows up late for her naughty little girl shoot. After giving the photog the coquettish and comely shots he needs she gives him and his fat-dicked assistant her legal pussy. The make-up girl shows up to jack-off the photog and shoot his load on the model's tiny tits.
The arrogant photog prick decides to hire the hollow-checked brunette of his dreams for his P.S. She says she can't put-out because of her B.F., but she does encourage him to jerk-off while she watches. And that leads her into the bathroom where she hikes up her dress to reveal her long, taut, lean legs, and then fucks herself with the handle of the toilette bowl scrubber--my kinda girl. But that's not nearly enough for a pervert like her, so she sticks the entire toilette plunger handle up her ass (I shit you not). Obviously, they switched to a plunger with a shorter handle during a face shot and edit. Then she cleans up the handle with her painted mouth and throws up in the toilette. The camera lingers on her vomit floating in the bowl for a second before cutting to a scene where's she's socializing with the crew. They're all convinced she's too conservative when she's really too perverted for normal, casual sex. Nice psychological touch.
Later, Anita Blonde--as a brunette--shows up for a shoot with a Nordic blonde who must be over six foot five in her heels. Anita Blonde is easily the most beautiful woman in porn today and this scene ends much too soon for my pleasure. Maybe Sin City can't afford more than five minutes of Blonde's beauty.
From the lovely to the loathsome we slide down the rectum into the next scene where the model gives herself some kind of disposable enema before shooting, while the actor, lacking in wood, gets an erection injection from the make-up girl. There's a gnarly close-up of her latex-gloved hands spiking the needle into the base of his flaccid penis; and, voila... We have wood in the hood.
Director Kramski has created a nihilistic, desperate landscape of people whirling like sex starved molecules--originating nowhere, going nowhere--colliding in copulation limited only by the glass beacon of his lens. Further. If only he had taken it further; but "Models" runs scared from its narcissistic reflection and craps out at the end. Still, my only complaints stem from an adult video that made an honest effort to express a point of view and runs out of script. Unfortunately, Kramski, who also takes screenplay credit, must sleep with the blame.
James Bonn, though slightly over-the-top, gives a credible if not valiant performance as the completely self-centered asshole photographer. Much like Jamie Gillis in "Bobby Sox," Bonn is not afraid to carry "Models" on the back of his performance; and he does. "Models" unflinching derisive and callous look at the world of making a buck shooting sleaze does not fail to entertain and enlighten. The voyeuristic feel--like we're watching only what the insiders know-- gives "Models" the gritty touch of Altman or Scorceses shooting porn. Rent and stock in excess; any viewer with half a brain will not be disappointed.
GOTHIC
Sin City
Stars: Randee Lee, Shawna Edwards, Roxanne Hall, Juliette Jett, Randi Rage
Director, James DiGeorgio.We open in a pseudo goth club watching a girl in Kiss make-up and zebra stockings smearing fake blood on herself. She invites some fat turd onstage for sex while the soundtrack looped under sounds like Motley Crue back in high school. If this is gothic then I'm really a fourteen year-old girl trapped in a man's body. The next scene takes us into the bathroom where a goth girl in a black lace dress takes on two cretins. They call her a freak and a hobgoblin bitch while they plunge their rancid meat into her unholy holes. One kind of hell would be watching this dismal scene for all eternity. FF NOW, and get us out of here, Scotty!
It doesn't get any better. The director's concept of gothic is right off the K-Mart shelf. And while I'm in -bitch mode, I know that Max Hardcore probably started it, and now every single cock sucking scene must feature the obligatory wad of drool dangling from the cock sucker's mouth... and I'm sick of it!
DILDOS OF DARKNESS
LBO Entertainment
Stars: Montana Gunn, Eden Rae, Saki, Rod Fontana, Allenina
Director, Henri PachardHenri Pachard, of "Venom" fame, takes on a nasty little sub-sub genre--men getting fucked by women wearing strap-ons--and gives it no more than a once over. If you're expecting his frenetic imprint on this video, forget it. This video moves like a slug through a cucumber patch. In the opening scene, the oriental sub, Saki, sounds like she was a man up till yesterday as she whines about something in bad grammar and worse acting. Fortunately, we forget about her while the refugee-from-a-gay-porno looking guy puts a licking on a pudgy blonde with cream cheese for brains. The dom of the house shows up and the male dom transforms into a toe sucking cur at his mistresse's feet. The giant breasted dom threatens her slave with death if he comes, so he wisely retains his semen.
Next, everyone straps on dildos, except poor Saki, including the sub who wears one on his face. Mistress sits on his dick face while Saki reveals that she's actually still a man this week as she pulls on her useless, limp dick. Still, Saki is the best looking woman in this video. Eventually, mistress gets around to fucking dick face in his fartless with anticipation ass. If only Saki would cut off her dick and turn fem-dom with her deep, chop-suey grammared voice.
PRISONERS OF PARADISE LOST
Down Home Video
Stars: Mistresses Troy Morgan, Belladonna, Brandi
Director, Rikk AngelThe first thing you need to know about fem-dom vids is they are only 60 minutes because if they were any longer you'd die of boredom. "Prisoners" begins with the graphic warning, "Abandon all hope ye who enter here..." which sums up this video and my ex-girlfriend in a nutshell.
This hopeless vid was shot at some power exchange club in NYC. All I've got to say is there's something about a mistress with a New York accent that makes me hungry for a bagel with a schmear.
While I understand (all too well) the idea of being tortured for hours (days, weeks, months, years) and never getting any, what I don't grok is paying for it...since there's plenty of women who would be happy to give you this treatment for free. While I like the fashion and theatre of fem dom, the psychological interplay is about as interesting as watching a woman nagging her husband at the grocery store.
"Prisoners" has a few good doms--one in particular seen smoking in her slave's face that gave me my nickel's worth. And as Bob Dylan sang, before he became a corporate whore, "You're gonna have to serve somebody..."
Subscript: The famous french actor Gerard Depardeau appeared as a young lad ad in a french B movie, "Maitress," (Mistress) directed by Barbet Schroeder. "Maitress" manages to translate onto film some of the psychological dynamic between the torturer and the tortured. Without that, these vids are mostly fashion and tedium. ("Maitress" available at Movie Madness in Portland)
Thank you Taboo Video and Sin City for the tapes. Can I go now?