DICK MORRIS WANNA-BE
A man has been offering Livermore, Cal, women $20 for the privilege of sucking their toes. A woman told the cops he was following her around in the shoe department of a local store, returned to her car and found a note on the windshield. It read: “I feel you should know I have been admiring your beautiful feet and would very much like to give them both a good tongue bath and suck on your toes.” He approached another woman with a spoon, dressed only in diapers and a bib, and begged to be fed. A third woman in another shoe store looked down and found him licking the heel of her shoe. He is still foot loose.

PEEPER CAM
In a midnight stakeout cops busted a Peeping Tom videotaping his neighbors through their bedroom window. A subsequent search of his home in Sebastopol, Cal, turned up a stash of 60 videos of oblivious couples enjoying themselves in their bedrooms. He also drilled a hole in his floor and taped his neighbors for 17 months worth of action. He got 6 years in jail.

HARASSMENT DOGGIE STYLE
In Danbury, CT. a woman went to court claiming a golden retriever “placed his wet, cold nose up her leg after lifting her skirt for all to see.” The lawsuit continues and seeks damages. Looks like this muff-diving dog is headed for the pound.

PHONE SEX IN CHINA
Phone sex has spread to China over the past few years, but now and then it can be very pricey. A night security guard was sentenced to life in prison for ringing up six grand in charges to a sex line in the United States. He used the phone in the building where he worked. But still...life???

MOVING VIOLATION
Hookers are now driving up along side motorists stopped at traffic lights and propositioning them, according to the New York Post. If they stop a pedestrian, who is the street walker?

SUMMER CAMP MEMORY
In Copenhagen a camp counselor, pissed off that two rowdy 17-year-olds had been barred from summer camp, awarded the boys a consolation prize: a night with a hooker. The kids took turns enjoying themselves in the back of a school bus.

CONSUMER ALERT BRIT STYLE
A man in Newcastle, England, bought a tape in an adult store advertised as “one of the hottest Dutch movies ever produced.” He found it unsuitable for his masturbatory needs, complained to the Advertising Standards Commission. The Commission agreed with him, noting the video was not only tame, but German not Dutch.

SOLO IN OHIO
For one-handers, the situation at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, is better than Newcastle. The university granted recognition to a student organization, the Miami U. Masturbation Society, allowing the co-ed group to meet on campus. The head of the group, Jason Pfaff, said this victory for the right to come will be celebrated with a mixer called Bring Your Own Kleenex Dance.

HOSTILE VIBE
A man in an adult store in Bramton, Ontario bought a vibrator and stuck it up his butt on the premises. When told to leave, he moved in a threatening manner toward the clerk with his automatic weapon, changed his mind, gave himself one more stiff plunge in his ass and split. Police caught him and charged him committing an indecent act

COMETH ANOTHER PEEPER
A high school principal in Painesville, Ohio, was found guilty of setting up a video camera behind a two-way mirror in his home and surreptitiously taping a group of cheerleaders who were changing clothes for a party he was throwing.