by Darklady: darklady@spiritone.com

Well, it's March and that means it's almost spring again. Of course, El Nino has made a lot of the Pacific Northwest's winter feel more like spring, so who knows what's in store for us during the "real" spring.

Congratulations to all of you who survived that most religious of holidays, St. Valentine's Day. Whether you won or lost at love, you'll probably be relieved to know that we've got another sacred holiday (without all the performance anxiety) this month. Yes, as a woman of Irish descent (does that mean I can call myself "Irish-American?") it's my duty to remind you of St. Patrick's Day on the 17th of March.

I don't know if the folks at the Double Dribble are Irish, but they're not letting a good excuse for a party slip through their hands. Drop by the club on the 17th for Oregon's only Topless St. Patrick's Party and Dance Contest. All dancers are encouraged to participate and can get information from Rob at (503) 760-8518. The celebrating officials starts at 7pm and remember: designated drivers are way cool. As if this weren't all enough to make your heads explode, every Tuesday at the Dribble is now Topless Tuesday which, in laymen's terms means that the bartenders and waitresses are all topless from 2pm until 11pm.

Now, I'm absolutely certain that the staff at Union Jack's isn't Irish, but they've got a band playing this month that sounds like it's had more than a little Irish inspiration. Mrs. Guinness will be performing on Wednesday the 11th, beginning at 9pm. A measly three bucks gets you in the door for the usual groovy tunes and happenin' chicks that you've come to expect from the biggest little surprise on Burnside.

If you like your women slippery and strong, you're not going to want to miss CJ's latest appearance of the Hollywood Knockouts going another few rounds of hot oil wrestling. The show starts at 9pm on the 4th, but you're going to want to get there early for the best seats. And for you early risers, keep in mind that CJ's (as well as Jody's and Club Cabos) now opens at 7am.

For all of you who've been hounding me with questions, you can see last month's cover-babe, the ebullient Geni, Miss Exotica 1998 at the Dolphin. Yet another reason to go to one of the best couple's clubs in town.

Another Exotic covergirl has made it big. Stars Cabarets' Mina (who's graced our cover twice as well as appeared in many Bad Kitty ads) went on to the National Spice Competition finals... and won! Now that Playboy has bought the Spice Channel, who knows what opportunities await the local beauty. Let's just hope she remembers us little people when she has her own cable show.

If you know someone who's been thinking of becoming and exotic dancer, let them know about Dooley's Amateur Night. On the 10th and the 24 the floor is open to all comers, so there's no excuse not to shoot for fame. And if you're into creative outfits, the 21st is Dooley's Theme Night, when the dancers bring their favorite costume... and then remove it. Isn't this a great city? Word has it that Dooley's has some of the best nachos in town, too. I'll have to research this because I am, after all, a nacho, nacho gal.

For those of you looking for some fun in the capitol city, don't miss Paige Summers, appearing at Scores, Thursday the 12th through Saturday the 14th. Remember, too, that Scores has a dance contest every Saturday night. Any ladies traveling from out of Salem should probably call ahead for details. If you've got a female person in your life who scowls on your going to the clubs, you might want to clue her in on the fact that Scores has the Men of Paradise on stage every third Thursday of the month. That's March 19th for those of you without a calendar handy.

Locally, The Viewpoint has its own all-male review every Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 8pm to 2am. Ain't equality a beautiful thing? Brings a tear to my eye.

The Main Event is helping keep Salem rocking, too. This month they're featuring scream queen Roxanne Michaels on Friday the 13th (two months in a row we get Friday the 13?) and Saturday the 14th. Then brace yourself for covergirl and centerfold, Amy Ashton on the 27th and 28th.

Eugene may be a college town but that sure doesn't mean everyone's in the library. The Silver Dollar knows that all those eggheads need extra lessons in anatomy and that's why Roxanne Michaels has offered her services from the 10th until the 12th for four shows daily. Likewise, Amy Ashton will do her best to provide ample viewing of the female form from the 24th through the 26th four times per day. Are these ladies the embodiment of selfless generosity or what?

If you're a lingerie kinda guy and you're counting your pennies this month (the Tax Man doth cometh next month, after all) you'll be happy to know that Forbidden Fantasies is offering free shows all month. Now that's generosity! But remember, tipping may not be required but it sure is a tangible sign of appreciation, especially for a great deal like this.

April showers will be bringing a new, elegant lingerie "boudoir" to town. Kupie Dolls will be opening and promises to "capture your desires in boudoirs of elegance and fine art." With promotion like that I may have to stop by! Stay tuned for details.

Meanwhile, Sugar Daddy's wants you all to know that they're featuring fully nude 30-minute shows for $29.95. Again, tips aren't required but, hey, what guy worth his salt would refuse to tip a gorgeous naked woman, eh?

None of you kinksters will want to miss Tuschell's DV8 Fetish Extravaganza on Sunday the 22nd of March at Moody's. Three floors will provide plenty of space for dancing, a dungeon and performance acts. You can get your $10 tickets in advance at either Bad Attitude or The Crimson Phoenix. Fetishwear is required. No more of that T-shirt and billcap bullshit, boys.

Speaking of fetishes, I think I developed one upon my return from Los Angeles. I was one of about a zillion people (mostly of the female persuasion) smooshed into the Egyptian Room to watch some of Portland's most adventuresome (and damn sexy) butch women take it all off during a Butch Strip Night in a show of support for the women in the adult industry. These gals put to rest the idea that feminists don't have a sense of humor and that dykes can't be sensual. I was thrilled to see so many ladies from the mainstream clubs sitting at the rack and especially happy to learn that the show not only resulted in friendships between two groups of ladies who've been pretty misrepresented by society but also raised buckets of money for Danzine, the local zine for ladies in the biz.

And while we're talking about Danzine, I want to send a great bit "way to go, sistah!" to Teresa Dulce who will travel to San Francisco this month to spread the good word. On March 3rd she'll be attending the Exotic Dancer Alliance meeting, and then on the 5th (and I expect a full report back on this, Teresa) taking part in a COYOTE (Call of Your Old Tired Ethics) meeting. She'll wind up her whirlwind tour of the City by the Bay with a Danzine Cocktail Party Fundraiser. If you can't make it to San Francisco, but want to show your support for this very worthy cause, you get information by writing to 625 SW 10th #233b, Portland, OR 97205 or viewing the Danzine web site at http://www.e-z.net/~danzine. Remember, folks, supporting your local sex industry means more than just tipping the dudettes at the rack. It means showing them respect and telling the government to get the hell of their backs.

Well, that's enough out of me. Please, kids... have fun this month and drink as much green beer as makes you happy but don't you dare drive under the influence of anything other than love. That's dangerous enough.