by Rex Breathes rexbreathes@hotmail.com
Anal Graveyard
Sin City Entertainment
Starring: Johnny Toxic, Justine, Juliette, Candy Vegas...You've got to admit, it's a great title. While this video and those who watch it may burn in some Christian hell, in all honesty, Anal Graveyard is just plain weird. There's no plot, theme or vision, just loads and loads of sex -- mostly focused on the nether regions, where all good things must end. And yes, there's some graveyard sex -- featuring goth babes dressed in black, of course.
There's more scenes in this video than a monkey has ways to unpeel a banana. But several are just throw aways, in spite of the director's all out digital effects editing orgy. The original soundtrack, by Weed Whore, is listenable half the time, especially the epic length, bowels-of-civilization speed rap near the beginning. Sin City producer, Al Miller, is the butt of relentless rude raps as the band shamelessly bites the hand that feeds. Nice touch. In Hollywood mainstream film circles, producers are treated like the Second Coming.
None of Anal Graveyard's trying-to-be-alternative tricks mean a thing until the last scene -- shot somewhere in the Mojave Desert. There, a platinum bleached blonde girl, a child's swimming pool, and Johnny Toxic (looking more like Billy Idol than Sid Vicious) come together in this desolation for a moment of pure porno genius that resonates like T.S. Elliot's "The Hollow Men," croaked by Marlon Brando near the end of Apocalypse Now. If only Johnny had come on her cheap sunglasses... Worth renting, if only for clues about the decline of western civilization.
Bobby Sox
Vivid Pictures
Starring: Jamie Gillis, Jon Dough, Nikki Tyler, Shanna McCullough...Jon Dough and Jamie Gillis ride into small town America as the producer and star, respectively, on tour promoting their movie, My Alien, My Love. I'm thinking, "nice set-up." Potential hangs around the neck of this film like a thousand pound gorilla; and, alas, it never quite leaps off the ground. While this shot-on-35mm full-length feature snatched up more AVN awards than a wino collecting cans, "Twin Peaks" it is not. But Jamie Gillis -- so weary and watchable as the alcoholic actor carrying a millennium of decadence in his drooping eyes -- makes Bobby Sox worth renting for his performance alone.
Several clever interludes are served up along the way: a raucous romp in a warehouse on the heavy equipment, and lust in the aisles of the old movie theater while the porno plays on screen. Then Jamie Gillis takes his sombrero off, but leaves his dress on for some naughty games up in the attic. He fucks one of the locals with his big, ripe, speckled banana... literally. When the condom (the peel) breaks, he squishes the ripe fruit between her young cheeks, then cleans up the dirty mess with his tired old mouth.
Looking like a gray beard cocker spaniel in search of his mistress, the washed-up actor finally finds the gal he's willing to give up the bottle for in exchange for the collar as her slave. Jamie Gillis is that snail, crawling for eternity on the edge of a razor... "the horror, the horror."
(Special thanks to Graveyard Mike and Taboo Video for the tapes.)