by Rex Breathes rexbreathes@hotmail.com
Viper 3
LBO Entertainment
Starring: Brook Waters, Randi Storm, Phaedra, Jeremy Iron, Andy WatersViper is a silly syndicated TV show about a 21st century car that can outsmart criminals. It's also the title of a Henri Pachard Fem-Dom series where the woman is always smarter than the man. The latest in the series features two blonde amazons and a brunette wannabe who sissyfy two male subs while dishing out rude rhetoric. There's enough ropes and chains in their rumpus room to outfit a team bound for Everest. Except a real man would never permit himself to be tied up in petticoats while whimpering, "Momma," through a pair of silky black panties camped around his face. Some hard-ons manage to show up along the way and these lucky momma's boys get to spew their pathetic offerings into mistresses' cupped hands.
Viper's trademark is the handheld camcorder shared by the dominant trio. Their shots blend a frenetic feel into the regular footage. (Speaking of footage, I was impressed by Ms. Storm's stiletto platforms with thin straps snaking up and around her calves.) Due to quick edits, no shot is left to linger; that's good when your eyes want to move on and bad when you want to see more... of those shoes. This lean, mean submission should barely satisfy Fem-Dom fans without giving those worms any more than they deserve.
Skin 11 Unbound
Eurotique Entertainment
Starring: Toni James, Nikita...The Skin series has been up and running almost as long as Seinfeld. And, like Seinfeld, it's not even funny anymore. The overwrought psychological narrative and heavy new age music are proof that these Skin people are taking themselves too seriously. There's Greek subtitles and people carrying on a phone conversation in German barely audible under the soundtrack. What does this all mean? The director's a film school grad who likes designer drugs? No. It translates into this: Skin 11, bound by its heavy-handed style, has a narcotic tone that's akin to wearing ear plugs while listening to music. The viewer feels safely insulated from the action -- or complete lack thereof -- like there's a condom on the camera. That way we won't catch any... excitement?
Still, there's a few interesting moments in Gold's dreamscape, like: a man wipes his semen off his lover's breasts with a phoney Franklin . Suburban couples might like this style over substance (mirroring the essence of their lives) to help them get it going on a Saturday night. But be sure to consume caffeine products before watching Skin 11, because the director equates slow-motion photography with sensuality (must have learned that in film school). Which brings me to my point: Skin 11 should get the National Geographic Society award for primate fellatio photography. In the final yawnalysis, Skin 11 is one of the most stylishly mediocre porn films ever made -- rivaling Andrew Blake's Dark Angel.
Thanks to Graveyard Mike and Taboo Video for loaning these tapes... where "87 1/2 Year Old Granny" is still number one by a landslide in their video booths... which proves the end of the world is near.
Thanks to Taboo Video for loaning both tapes.