by Darklady: darklady@spiritone.com

Well, everyone who wasn’t a total turkey hopefully survived Thanksgiving and now we’ve moved on to December, the month of lights, good-natured greed, and the longest damn night of the year. We’re headed for a new year and sunnier weather if tradition holds.

Last month I reminded you about the early riser breakfasts at Doc’s (7am... my tastebuds aren’t even alive at that hour!) with dancers appearing at 10am, and this month I’m here to tell you that Thursday nights are dance contest nights! They’re open to everyone and begin at 9pm. Just another reason to hang out on SE Powell... like you needed more reasons, eh?

You don’t need a secret decoder ring to read the writing on the page for CJ’s Christmas Party. No cover charge, door prizes, an open dancer costume contest, and a local celebrity Santa will lift your spirits on Friday, December 19th starting at 8pm. And whether you’ve been naughty or nice, you can come see the special performances by festive beauties on Christmas itself starting at 6pm. The club is also having paper holiday tree sales, as well as filling toy and canned food baskets to benefit local children’s charities, so show the world how generous we can be by bringing something special for them.

Don’t worry... you can still do some strip-bar hopping on Christmas. The Dolphin is also open during Christmas Eve, as well as New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. You’ll have some time to sleep in on January 1st, since the club opens at a civilized 4pm.

It’s not too early to start planning your New Year’s Eve entertainments. Union Jacks is plotting their most amazing New Year’s Eve bash yet... you won’t want to miss seeing the man with the four-foot tongue (especially you ladies), the astounding fire-breathing woman will help you with your New Year’s toast and many more incredible things. A five-dollar cover gets you in the door and includes champaign at midnight.

If you’re out in the Beaverton area on the last day of the year, you can join in on the fun at Stars during their New Year’s Eve theme party: black and white with a touch of lace. Give them a call to learn more about their package specials, too. And remember to have a safe and sane way home regardless of which end of town you’re partying at... we want you back next year.

Roosters is getting a jump on the summer sun with a tanning bed for its dancers. Everyone will want to take a gander (hmmm... I’m cross-poultry punning now) at the newly remodeled stage and the fastest spinning pole in Portland.

The Backswing absolutely refuses to acknowledge that the temperatures have been dropping outside... they sure aren’t doing likewise indoors! December 13th will feature hot oil wrestling starting at 7pm. A five dollar cover charge will let you see what a little oil treatment can do for a ladies skin.

Now, Sassy’s has always been cookin’ with oil as far as I’m concerned, but they’re doing it even more now with their new and expanded food menu. Hell, they’ve got five dollar steaks these days, so there’s no excuse for feeding your sweetie burgers on a sexy date anymore.

All you ladies out there can breathe easy knowing that Dooley’s is continuing its Ladies Night All-Male Review on December 15th. Ahhh... equality!

Gorgeous centerfold and covergirl, Nikki Nova will be appearing, sans staples, at Eugene’s Silver Dollar Club from Tuesday, December 16th through Thursday the 18th. And remember, that’s four shows each night. And don’t forget the Miss Exotica preliminaries on December 10th.

Salem’s Main Event will inherit the luscious Nikki the very next two days, Friday and Saturday the 19th and 20th. They’re getting in on the Miss Exotica preliminary action earlier, though, and giving you more chances to get in on the fun. You’ll want to reserve the 4rd and 18th for our local ladies.

And if those aren’t enough nights of Exotica erotica (and they aren’t, of course) you can have your mouth watered just a little more at Club 205 for their Miss Exotica preliminaries on the 3rd, 11th, and 17th.

That "other" club in Salem... you know, Scores... will be presenting the lovely Heather Kelly for audiences 18 and older, from Thursday, December 18th through Sunday the 21st for three shows each night: 8pm, 10pm, and midnight.

Fantasy Lingerie doesn’t want you to think they’ve forgotten you this holiday season. Bring in their ad from this month’s issue and get a Sunday modeling session for the incredibly reasonable price of $25. That oughta make it easier to get your jollies, with or without a red suit.

The showgirls at Mr. Peeps aren’t about to forget you, either. Bring in their ad from this issue and get five dollars off any toy show... it’s the least you can do for yourself this festive holiday season. Give yourself a treat. You’re worth it!

It’s a little cooler this time of the year and so maybe you’ve been thinking of spending some time inside your own little castle. If that’s the case, and you’re a computer dude/dudette, keep in mind that All Adult Video is carrying the new DVD format CD-ROMS. I’ve heard a ton about these things, so let me know if they’re really extra cram packed with savory (and unsavory) content. Just a little something extra for those long cold nights, I guess.

Since the nights are longer, that means there’s more time for... er... getting to know one another. Keep Crimson Phoenix in mind for your holiday giving. They carry an amazing array of lotions, herbs, cards, aphrodesiacs, and pheromones. And I’ll tell you from personal experience, those pheromones work!

DK Wilds is giving us something to look forward to in 1998, too. A second location, with a third to open some time in summer. You remember summer, don’t you? Nah. Me, neither.

They haven’t moved or opened another store, but Amy, Nancy, Jennifer, and Christy may well need to help you around Sweet Sensations for a while because of the dazzling new remodel. I’ve heard it looks pretty darn good but you’d better check it out for me. While you’re there you can look at the new Fetish Premium dancewear from New York City. And give the ladies a holiday hello for me, as well. I try to be everywhere, but I’m only one Darklady... and aren’t you glad?

This early in the year I think they qualify as "fetish" gear: Cathie’s is having its 1997 swimsuit and shorts outfit sale. While you’re thinking "warm, warm, warm" you can imagine all the frothy drinks with fruit and umbrellas you’ll be able to buy with the money you save from 50% off every qualifying purchase.

Next to "finally" I want to welcome a few new advertisers to our pages. You’re probably familiar with all the fun you can have at Dillinger’s and Pop-a-Top (and if you’re not... go find out!) but you’ll want to admire their ads and then go tell them how glad you are to see them in your favorite magazine. But you may not be as familiar with J. Hollywood Hair Extensions. These folks use real human hair (gosh, just like in Little Women), sewn in just like they do in Hollywood. They’ve been in business for 14 years, have worked on commercials and Reno photo shoots... so just imagine what they can do for you or your favorite lady! And, can you imagine? They’ve got a holiday special! Make an appointment now by calling (503) 771-8942.

And "finally"... it’s been a great year, you guys, and I’ve really enjoyed you being a part of it. Enjoy the holidays but keep your wits about you, ok? I’ll do my best to do the same and we can all exchange notes next year. Waddya say?