There's no hiding from it... it's autumn again. Fewer half naked men and women on the streets (damn) but the same amount indoors, thank goodness! In fact, for those of ladies who enjoy the sight of bare (ok, mostly bare) man-flesh, there's something to warm our blood this turn of the season.

Dooley's is having an all-male review on Friday the 13th (oooo... spooky!) and the 27th from 8pm until midnight. About damn time, I say.

The Viewpoint has known a good thing for some time. Every Thursday through Saturday ladies can go to the "Top" of the Viewpoint and engage in a little (cough) calm and mature appreciation of the male physique. The club, under new management, has female dancers every night so you gentlemen (and ladies, for that matter... after all, October is Gay and Lesbian History Month) need not worry your pretty little heads that there will be any lack of feminine charm. If it's a private party you're planning then check out their VIP section.

If you're warm and snuggly at home and just don't feel like trying to circumnavigate the streets, Scarlett Ribbons can accommodate you with their new fantasy sex line at (503) 775-0163. With many phone sex services available, why not make sure those dollars stay local? You can learn more about the lingerie parlor at its web site, too: http://www.scarlettribbons.com.Scheduled to be on-line October 15th.

I've had a fair number of pages from you kinky folks out there who enjoy walking on the wild side and I'm hoping to see some of you at this year's Living in Leather XII to be held October 9th through the 12th at the Portland Convention Center. There will be workshops, guest speakers, vendors, dungeon parties and entertainment galore. This is the last time that Portland will host the international convention for some time, so let's make the most of it. If you need information or want to arrange a session with me, just give me a page at (503) 870-0220.

If you're stuck at home that weekend, keep in mind that Fantasy Adult Video has European and fetish videos on sale for $9.95. Not like the real thing, but a decent substitute.

There's something new in the air this month... and it's music. Union Jack's is on to something, I think. You've got yet another chance to watch your favorite Miss movin' to the groovin' of live tunes on the 11th from 10pm until 2 am when the club hosts The Shivers. A mere four bucks gets you an earful and two eyefuls. Life's good, dammit!

But Nicolai St. Clubhouse has some tuneage to offer, too. Jazz musician, Ernie Carson will be performing solo from 2pm until 4pm on October 19th and will then be joined by a burlesque troupe until 6pm. How did they know I love jazz and burlesque?

But I love Danzine, too! And the fantastic ladies of local print fame are going to present an evening of Naked Chick Mayhem on the 16th from 9pm until 11pm at the Sandy Jug. A puny three dollars will get you a show featuring dancers from all over the Portland area. I know I'll see you there, right?

Speaking of seeing things, Roosters is going to have you seeing double every Friday night starting the 10th from 4pm until 2 am with Double Chick night. You'll get more breasts and more specials between 6pm and 10pm so you've got another thing to crow about now, don'tcha?

Here comes another bad pun everyone, so be warned: One thing these chicks don't mind that regular chickens hate is hot oil. Yes, it's time for another Hot Oil Wrestling night at CJ's! You can never get too much of gorgeous women in a wrestling ring with oil so get there early on October 8th at 9pm to catch all the Olympic class excitement. Maybe they're just getting in shape for the upcoming Northwest Exotic Dance and Swimwear Pageant?

Once they're done, they're probably going to be damn glad that Spas-R-Us has joined the pages of Exotic to advertise their terrific deals on new and used spas. Located at 11435 SW Pacific Hwy between Tigard and Sherwood, a simple call to (503) 692-8784 will connect you to Laurent, who can tell you which spa is best for relaxing after those late night Crisco parties.

Since we seem to be on a sports theme here, I think it's appropriate to mention that Dancin' Bare will be offering pool table dancing on Friday and Saturday nights this month. Given that they've got that fusion pool table over there, that's gotta be a sign to be seen. And don't forget to drag the buddies (oh, the suffering) over to their summer party on the 18th for 2-for-1 drafts and the usual bevy of incredible babes.

My favorite holiday is Halloween and it looks like Stars has come up with a great way to celebrate it. They're hosting a Swingers Masquerade Ball on October 31st with cash and prize giveaways all night long. There will be prizes for best couples and singles costumes (you gotta be present at 10pm to win). I'm not sure whether they're technically in costume or not, but there will be special performances in an S&M Dungeon all night, as well. Pretty scary, kids, eh?

And don't forget that Stars is hosting its First Golf Tournament to Shelter the Homeless on October 14th at Lagdon Farms Golf Club. Your favorite dancer is probably somebodies' caddy... incentive enough to watch if you don't play.

Well, I've got to touch up my Halloween costume. Maybe I'll go as an administrative assistant. Isn't that a scary thought? Remember: don't drink and drive and look both ways before crossing the street.