Anal beads, baubles, and bangles. No, I'm not talking about a string of danglies hanging off my earlobes or gracing my voluptuous cleavage! I'm talking about "love beads," the "strings of sensuality!" Makes me ooze with anticipation.

Anal beads have been around for a long time. It is very common to see them used by lusty love goddesses in some steamy porn videos. Any reader who may not be aware of this delightful little invention, let me explain: anal beads are exactly what the words imply, a string of beads spaced perfectly for thrills and chills. They resemble pearls (hence one of the common brand names "Pearl-Essence") and are available in assorted bead sizes. The string is artfully stuffed up your partner's ass and pulled out at the point of orgasm. The gusto with which they are pulled out depends upon the desired effect and the experience of the participants. The anal beads, by the way, are friendly to both men and women. They are one commodity which does not exclude any sector of the sexually active population. In fact, I know of a couple who engage in a similar practice, except the husband likes a well-lubricated rope shoved deep within his butt and slowly pulled out by his wife as he shoots his wad-of-wonderment. He claims that the sensation almost makes him pass out (a major element and attraction of sexual asphyxia, to be discussed in a later column).

Speaking of passing out... (we were, weren't we?) imagine for a moment that after you have done your very best foreplay, poked her muff cave non-stop until she came multiple times, you shot a powerful load that makes even Old Faithful look tame. My pistol is twitchin'! Suddenly, your wife or girlfriend begins to sweat profusely. She becomes pale, begins to tremor and ultimately faints... out cold! At first your ego might sky rocket because of your unsurpassed love making abilities. But wait! There may be more to her reaction than you think. Yes, believe it or not, your pumping partner may be allergic to your semen! Not as uncommon as you'd think.

Now you're screaming, "What? My love juice is pure. I have even tasted it myself!" Ooooo, come on guys. Seventy percent of men have tasted their own spunk. Twenty percent of you are thinking about it and 10% are going to try it again after you read this article. If you do, or are tempted to have a little taste, don't get crazy. There is no harm. Besides, it is medically supported that one cannot infect oneself with anything nasty from your own cum. The coast is clear.

Anyway, back to the allergy scenerio. A fairly significant number of women are allergic to their partner's semen. Not all reactions are as severe as I've described above. If your partner consistently does not feel good after sex, usually within the first hour, consult your doctor. It wouldn't be pleasant to experience nausea and chills for the rest of your sexual life. If an allergy is present there is medication that can almost eliminate the symptoms 100%. Also, there is always the famous condom.

By the way, fellas, some colored condoms can leave your prized possession stained a beautiful yellow, red, green, or blue... so user beware.

I'd like to thank all of you who have called and left messages or questions on my voice mail. Yes, Mr. D., I will write about the euphoria of gang banging in a future column.

Love and laughter and rub ya next time.

You can learn my show schedules or leave questions or messages on my voice mail at (503) 727-2491.