Helloooo! Charmed! I am Snickers LaBarr, the blonde with the balls; the goddess of gonads; the “A” cup woman with the “D” cup attitude. Woof! Woof!

I am literally wet with excitement to be writing my premier column in this faboo publication for this faboo month. Why? Because it is gay “Pride” month. However, I feel that all people should practice self-pride every day. The Pride Parade and related events produce swells of positive emotions touch so many areas of life. They exemplify every element of “family” and create a bonding between human beings with the goal of enriching the lives of everyone, gay or not. Visibility is the first step, you know.

I feel that most of the mainstream populous is not aware of the many tremendously successful events conducted annually by the gay, bisexual, transsexual, and transgendered community. Most of the money earned goes to education scholarships, AIDS research,and toward the care and maintenance of AIDS patients. Allow me to mention some of the major events: The Fabric of Life, Oscar Night, The Right to Pride Dinner (formerly called the Lucille Hart Dinner), and an art benefit auction sponsored by the Cascade AIDS Project held on a Sunday night at the glamorous Saks Fifth Avenue. All of these functions are organized and decorated to the max (decorated, of course, by gay men... it’s genetic, you know)!

I, of course, attend all the above mentioned events and sashay around in my flamboyant attire. In fact, by the time you read this article the auction will have come and gone. If anyone bid on my state-of-the-art headdress, I’ll let you know. Oolala, Mardi Gras! That would certainly put dew on my lily.

If you think for a moment that these events are only attended by radical gays or “closeted” folks who only cautiously venture out in a safe environment, then hold onto your panty hose. There are just as many supportive heterosexuals who enjoy these splendid evenings. Part of the fun for everyone is mingling with people like the governor, the mayor, local celebrities (like me), media personalities, and the chief of police. Upon leaving one of these events, you have an unalterable knowledge that, when it gets right down to it, people are just people. Everyone is struggling for the best life possible.

To any reader who has a tendency to criticize and discriminate, my words are, “Lighten up, Loretta!” Get a little education and give your fellow men (and women) a chance to explain and maybe even teach you a thing or two. I believe that “If we are busy judging others, we don’t have time to love them.”

Well, my darlings, my martini is calling me. I must draw an end to this lovely chat. Be proud and happy with who you are. And if any of you are thinking, “Merciful buttercups, how can I feel good about myself when I look like an old dishpan?” Don’t fret, simply cultivate your voice, because you’ll always look lovely over the telephone, and phone sex does have its place.

Until next time, fill your life with love and laughter, decorate your house and don’t break a nail!

Feel free to call my voice mail to hear my show schedules or leave a message. (503) 727-2491.