POST-PORN POSTCARDS FOR THE POST
Gates of Heck Publishing and Pleasure Activist/Sex Goddess Annie Sprinkle have done it again! After releasing the most erotic and artistic playing cards known to the species, they've released Love and Kisses from Annie Sprinkle, two volumes of incredibly sexy, funny, thought provoking and plain fucking amazing post cards. Corsets, nosebleed high heels, piercings, Annie's famous cervix, a crucified female Christ, Kembra Pfahler, Annie's wedding pix and healthy Sprinklings of wisdom. Order yours from Gates of Heck, Inc., 495 Lexington Ave., New York, NY 10021, (212) 879-5016 or http://www.heck.com. Each volume (there are two) is $11.95. You're going to want both, trust us.

THIS LAW SUCKS!
Thinking about heading over to Singapore for some of that exotic mattress dancing? Well, think carefully before you plan your sexual itinerary because the Singapore Court of Appeal has classified oral sex as a criminal offense... unless it's used exclusively during foreplay. Mutual consent doesn't matter. Using language the Oregon Citizen's Alliance would approve of, the judicial prudes stated that "only the coitus of the male and female sexual organs" are natural intercourse. "Unnatural acts" are only permissible as foreplay. It's a start.

DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' 'BOUT MYTHOLOGY
Reebok International Ltd. got a quick education in ancient mythology a year after they'd released their "Incubus" women's athletic shoe. An incubus, for those of you who don't know, is an evil male spirit which was believed to seduce women. Upon being enlightened about the wicked footwear, company spokeswoman, Kate Burnham, exclaimed, "I'm horrified and the company is horrified. How the name got on the shoe and went forward, I do not know. We are a company that has built its business on women's footwear, so to do anything that's denigrating to women is not what we're about." I guess that means we won't be seeing the male equivalent: the succubus. Especially not in Singapore.

ROLE MODEL DOLLS FOR THE NEXT GENERATION?
Things were so much simpler when Boomers were growing up. Barbie was white, had big boobs, high heels and a tiny waist -- just like real women and black men intimidated white men, played jazz music and/or got shot, and everyone was sooo happy. But things are different now. Anti-Barbies can be mail-ordered from San Francisco resident Paul Hansen and basketball bad-boys are heroes. Hansen's dolls (which no longer bear the "Barbie" name after some correspondence from Mattel) put the little tramp where she belongs (or is that longs to be?). Your kid can trade in that obsolete fashion slut for "Trailer Trash 11 1/4-inch Generic Doll," complete with cigarette, baby, and bleach-blonde hair (complete with black roots). Her friends are Drag Queen (that's Ken under those falsies), Big Dyke and Voodoo Dolls. Want something more butch (?) try the foot-long Dennis Rodman doll with basketball, two outfits, and two heads (one with lime green, the other with pink hair). You'll find him at Kmart. We'll have to check with Madonna about the two heads and the 12-inches.

TRADITIONAL MAMMARY VALUES?
It's not wicked enough of women to wantonly flaunt their nakedness in strip clubs, on liquor billboards and in the pages of the Sears catalogue... but some tramps actually think they can get away with exposing their breasts in public! And, undoubtedly, contributing to the delinquency of minors by placing said breasts in their tiny mouths! Fortunately, Senate Bill 385, introduced by the honorable Senator Jeanette Hamby (presumably a bottle baby) would require that any woman publicly breast feeding be discretely covered. Current laws, which clearly encourage sin and misconduct, do not restrict public displays of breast feeding. No wonder the crime rate is so high.