PORNO CARTOON SURPRISE
Some tiny tots in Springfield, Missouri got an unexpected lesson in anatomy when their local cable company accidently broadcast explicit sex scenes from The Playboy Channel over the Cartoon Network for several minutes. Viewership was probably high, given that it was 1 pm and schools were closed due to bad weather. A vigilant mom called TCI to complain after noticing that the voices of popular Flintstones characters Fred and Barney had nothing to do with the saucy video. The problem apparently arose while testing the signal for the Playboy channel, which TCI began offering this month.

TWO DICKS LAND IN JUDGE JUDY'S COURT
We've all heard about "body doubles" who bare their all so that respectable movie stars don't have to. But porn star doubles? Apparently, popular sexy cinema star Steven St. Croix unwittingly had a dick double... and Rick Masters didn't know it. Masters had signed St. Croix for a project, only to find that the penis he'd been so impressed by in Borderline didn't belong to St. Croix. Well, apparently Rick wanted that dick and without it there was no deal and no "kill fee." But, St. Croix wasn't about to take that lying down so he dragged Masters into... Judge Judy's TV court. St. Croix defended himself by arguing that he certainly did his part (or is that, used his part) and he can't be held responsible for final editing changes. The case looked good for St. Croix until he started shooting snotty comments at Masters and shooting the shit with the lovely and talented Tyffany Million (billed as his girlfriend) while Judge Judy was talking about contracts and the like. The case closed with the good judge tossing the whole lot out and declaring, “I don’t tolerate rudeness in my courtroom!” As daytime TV demands, the gents continued their feud in the hallway while Tyffany defended St. Croix's manhood from personal experience. Lifestyles of the rich and naked. We love it!

INVEST IN AMERICA -- INVEST IN FLESH!
Ever wondered exactly what the cash situation is in the adult entertainment business? Well, that bastion of conservative reporting, US News and World Report has the answers in the February issue. Examples include: A well run strip club makes $5 million per year, top porn stars earn $20,000 per week dancing, $8 billion were spent on porn last year, ($665 million for hard core porn video rentals), $175 million was spent on hotel adult video pay per view, $150 million was spent on cable TV adult pay-per-view, 2,500 strip clubs in the US, biggest money earner from phone sex is ATT, more money is spent on strip clubs than the combined total of all other types of theatre performances, most x rated revenues go to mainstream video rental stores, not adult book stores, the small African nation of Sao Tome received 13 million minutes of phone sex last year from the US; half the revenue went to the national treasury. So, imagine the impact on the world economy if regulating censorship were to remove these employment and entertainment options... and then do your patriotic duty and keep the economy healthy!

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD!
Miami's Church of God of Holiness thought it would be clever to buy the building next door to the Take One Lounge (a strip club). After all, since adult businesses can't exist within 500 feet of houses of the holy the club would obviously have to go, right? Not according to city officials who are (currently) siding with club owner Robert Raley who has pointed out that "It would be reverse discrimination if a church were permitted to establish within 500 feet of my business." If Raley is in technical violation of the zoning code he's not likely to find a buyer and his property values will plummet. City officials believe the pre-existing business should prevail and are investigating the possibility of amending the law to protect adult entertainment from invading churches. Congregation members are upset, having spent more than $200,000 on the warehouse they wish to convert into a church. Ah, well... render unto Caesar.