I realize that this may not seem like the proper place to bring up the conspiracy this month, but what the hell. This way of taking over the planet works on such an extremely base level of our society that I must reveal it! In fact, what I've uncovered probably will destroy the very thing that is the cornerstone of all societies; which makes it the single largest world domination plot ever. It is the strip club.

On the surface, it seems that strip clubs are somewhere to go to have some fun, drink copious amounts of alcohol, and look at naked women for the sheer pleasure of it. But that is all a huge lie.

Next time you’re in one of these strip places, look around. Most of the people in strip clubs are not acting like they’re having fun. Sure, there’s the occasional wild bachelor party that ends up there, but that is the exception, not the norm. For the most part, and totally against nature, the people who are being entertained in these places have to try their best not to look entertained.

For instance, take the guys sitting at the rack. They are tipping these women to shove their tits in their face, bend over in front of them, or do some sort of sexual thing directly at them. This is supposedly entertainment, but all it really does is drag the guy up to the stage. This is where it gets really weird.

Men are supposed to always want sex. We are supposed to become horny at the drop of a hat. The male sex drive is the foundation of all that is good and decent in the world. But now, at these strip clubs, these men are paying good money to act like they couldn’t care less that some hot 19-year-old with $2,500 plastic tits is bending over right in front of them and making her pussy wink.

The job of the guy in this scene is to just sit there, center stage, with a calm look on his face as though he were thinking, “Fuck, women do this to me all the time. Hell, it happens while I’m walking down the street. It doesn’t affect me at all.” What he’s really thinking is, “God, I wish I was 20 again so I could get laid by some babe that only has one chin!” All of a sudden, this place that is supposed to be just all fun and drinks is making these men feel useless and unwanted, which is probably true; but why pour salt in an open wound?

The next time you’re in a place like this, look around. Most of the guys there are watching the reactions of the other guys. Checking out the reactions of the other exploited. After all, the men who hang out in these establishments are the ones being exploited, not the women. The women are merely the bait to get the men into center stage. They are up there dancing naked to take away the very last shred of self-confidence that these men have. These women are, in reality, the key part of an intergalactic plot to tame the male sex drive on this planet so that it can be harnessed and used as fuel for space travel.

Don’t get sucked into this plot! Don’t become tomorrow’s space engine! The male sex drive is the only pure form of energy left on this planet. Don’t give in and let the aliens take that, too!