In looking at the incredible power sleaze has over women, I should point out one distinction that will possibly close off my chances forever of having sex with one important part of the female population: the higher your status in your chosen field and the higher society’s expectations of you as a “together liberal `90’s woman" the more likely you are to succumb to sleaze.

A comedian friend of mine who worked years ago with Andrew Dice Clay for a week saw this in action every night. After the show, some dynamic, striking woman with a Donna Karan or Jil Sanders power outfit would stride up to Clay and get in his face. The tirade usually went as follows: “I just want you to know that your kind of Neanderthal thinking doesn’t work for some people. You’re a shining example of everything that’s wrong with our society. You aren’t the clever stud you think you are, mister. You’re a bigoted, misogynistic primate of some subhuman species! Take me back to your condo and fuck me silly, you animal! Bend me over and make me bark like a dog!”

I’ve witnessed the same scene myself with comedians other than Clay often enough to believe this guy. Think about it: how many times in politics alone has a woman been brought down by her husband’s sleaze? Does anyone remember Geraldine Ferraro? Bess Myerson? Princess Di?

Since I’m not qualified to diagnose such women, I will just say that if anyone who read last month’s column is tempted to try adopting the sleaze approach, stay away from working-class taverns and nightclubs. The women in these places get enough shit in their work environment already and don’t need your particular flavor of horse pucky.

So now 1 can hear you asking, “Dan, how can 1 use this sleaze thing to score?” Well, here’s a simple plan.

First, you need the help of a buddy. The two of you get together before going to a bar or party where you’ll run into many women who don’t know either of you. Your friend walks up to a woman neither of you know and gives her the following speech:

“Look, I don’t know you, but you seem like a nice, intelligent woman. I’m not trying to hit on you, I just want to warn you about that guy over there. See the one, sitting at the bar, talking to the bartender? He’s an animal. He’s burned a few women I know, and he’s poison. Uses women up like Kleenex. No one’s been able to hang onto him for more than a month, and when they get dumped, it’s not pretty. Just thought you’d like to know."

Before he leaves, the woman will be asking your friend, “Which guy? The blonde? What’s his name? Is he here with someone?”

Kind of unsettling, isn’t it? Like nuclear energy, it’s a power that shouldn’t be used, but we should be aware of how it works. Once you succeed at this method, the woman will eventually find out that you’re just a regular guy, subject to the same emotions as her. There will, understandably be a feeling of being used on her part, which is what she was hoping for in the first place, right? Therefore, ignore everything I’ve said here unless you just don’t have enough highly dysfunctional women in your life. Or maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. Maybe I’ve recently moved, changed my phone number and won’t go into certain bars without sending a scout in first just for the hell of it. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Next month, we go further into this sordid phenomenon to cover sleaze-proofing, and how guys can use sleazeballs to our advantage.