10.You are not his first.

9.She has had orgasms before.

8.He’s not wearing a backpack.

7.Her husband’s a Green Beret.

6.His sexual fantasies about Gilligan are slowly taking precedence over his sexual fantasies about his mother.

5.Her smack-shooting scars are hardly visible anymore.

4.He keeps a laminated 8 x 10 photo of his ex-wife in his trunk.

3.She has an infection named after her.

2.He’s a fat-sucking vampire.

And The Number One Thing You Didn’t Know About Your New Partner...

1.Her dick’s bigger than yours!