Seems like the title “Fill Her Up” must have been used many times in Pornlandia, though off-hand I can’t recall seeing it. Its simplicity and directness would work as well on any DVD put out by the amateur and his crank ho over in St. Johns as a flashy Vivid production. However, the title FILL HER UP on the DVD spinning in my lonely room tonight doesn’t quite work. This one is from Red Light District and a better title would be “Shove It Back.” Filmed in Prague, a bunch of Czech dolls with American names like Lucy and Charlotte do a crew of studs and then demonstrate their wondrous gynecological powers. One babe squeezes jism from her snatch box onto a dinner plate and licks it off. Another does the same in a wine glass and then drinks it. A third, after taking it up the ass… Well, that’s when I slipped in another DVD. The point of my lonely nights is not to make myself even more lonely.

JM Productions improved matters somewhat with TOUGH LOVE 2, the second in what is sure to be a long series of “slap the bitch” episodes where desperate attempts by porn queens to cry, tremble and beg for mercy are about as sincere as the hooker with a heart of gold. Still, a few choice unintended moments make this dramatic effort worthwhile. For example, porn queen Dana Vespoli plays a porn queen (how original!) who asks mid-scene “how many minutes are left?” Can’t really blame the director for slapping her around for that. For punishment the director fucks her throat for about ten minutes. The excitement heats up when her left eyelash falls off on her cheek during the blow job. The best scene has a guy bitching about Julie Night spending all his money. Julie begs to get punished but the guy won’t slap her hard enough. Then she pops off a line all us lonely guys can relate to big time: “I can’t stop spending your money because you can’t control me.”

Controlling the girl is easily done in ACID DREAMS from Private Films, a sharply edited spoof on a CIA scientist testing out LSD tabs on hookers whose bad trips don’t stop them from having gigantic orgasms. GIAHASANEGROPROBLEM 3 from JM Productions confirms the Civil Rights movement has achieved a stunning victory for the chocolate spears who unabashedly ream white hootchy-kootchy. David Cummings, a geezer lucky enough to maintain wood worthy of a horny teenager, shows his stuff in a new series called KNEEPADNYMPHOS (check out his web site at www.davecummings.com).

I hope to have more in a future column on the porn vids out of Iraq, but so far only stills are available. I agree wholeheartedly with the number of critics who have argued the pleasure and vengeance of commercial porn is a contributing factor in the scandal over the humiliating photographs taken at Abu Ghraib prison on the outskirts of Baghdad.

Right-wing gas bag Rush Limbaugh questioned the hue and cry surrounding the release of the images saying they “look like standard good old American pornography.” CBS News said essentially the same: the photos “amounted to hard-core porn.”
While the images are neither “standard” nor “hard-core,” there is a touch of the inner pornographer in the guards who got on this train. It’ll be interesting to see who in the higher circles of power turns out to be the engineer.

Christopher Hitchens, in the on-line magazine Slate, said the American guards acted like “rec-room sadists” using “trailer-porn tactics.” Okay, but unfair to all those fine meth retailers in the trailer parks. Military historian Victor David Hanson said the pictures reminded him of “Girls Gone Wild videos... Do they always do that? Or is it something that happens because the cameras were around?”

Hanson pretty much answers his own questions here. All those digital cameras recording Kodak moments for the troopers were a temptation for some to snap sordid moments for war souvenirs. Really sordid: piling naked Iraqi captives in human pyramids, forcing them to pose as if performing oral sex, ordering them to masturbate, and finally, to make sure the male prisoners were thoroughly degraded, requiring them to wear women’s maxi-pads. It is inexcusable, demoralizing and dismaying. At the same time these acts seem positively benign when stacked up against the Islamic fascists who flew airliners into the Twin Towers and who to this day favor stoning adulteresses, cutting off the hands of thieves, and beheading Americans.

But wait.

A few vague breezes in the news wind have hinted the worst is yet to come. There may be videos of Americans raping and murdering Iraqi detainees. If that is the case, the notion that we invaded Iraq to liberate the people will be a joke. Wouldn’t it be something if our imperial reach came to a standstill because somebody thought a sexual funhouse for the troops was a cool idea?