I'm double screening
tonight, watching the news on one tube and porn on
the other. An interview with California's new governor
Arnold Schwarzenegger just ended and he wasn't asked
about his gropings. And I'm about half-way through
SPACE NUTS from Wicked, a three-hour
extravaganza with a
dozen girls clothed with the sun and the moon shining
under their pink feet while they soar into space.
Along the way they get their clams speared and their
butts fucked while they slob knobs in the Milky Way.
Good to know
the Terminator's gropings two months ago during the
special election don't seem to haunt him. Those of
us in porn land saturated with gang bangs and cream
pies find it strange people would get so worked up
over his creepy trespassings. We know all men are
gropers. In every man's heart lurk force and fraud,
what Thomas Hobbes called the "cardinal virtues."
Why all those
screeching howls of indignation and shock when Arnold
claimed he was just being "playful" on movie sets?
Everybody knows Hollywood is decadent. I'd bet a dime
on a dollar that a fair number of women, while jolted
by the Treminator's snatchings, went goo-goo when
he picked them out of the pack of extras. And I'd
bet that some spent the night with him knowing full
well there'd be no hugs in the morning. He's gone.
A porn fantasy,
really. Grab, fuck and run. Though more 
frequently
in porn, the guy doesn't have to grab because the
women are so willing. Like Brittney Skye, Dee and
Brianna Banks in TITSICLE from Vivid.
The girls operate the Big Scoop ice cream company
and offer up big scoops of themselves. The company's
motto: "Whatever the customer wants, we're here to
please and serve it with a smile."
It's rarely
that way in real life--except maybe for guys like
Arnold who
are famous
and rich. Of course even he can't get it all and
that's why he got outed as a groper. One time on
the movie set he spotted a hottie, said "Come here,
you sexy devil," grabbed her and pulled her onto
his lap. Maybe that didn't bother her too much,
but then he immediately whispered in her ear, "Have
you ever had a man slide his tongue up your ass?"
If Arnold
wanted to make a porn movie, that inquiry would
be more than acceptable. But even star power has
its limits. The girl didn't freak out. She got up
and continued on her way.
I slipped
TEN LITTLE PIGGIES from Platinum into
the DVD 
player.
A so-so flick with one choice moment. Roxie Hart
has a cookie between her toes which she feeds to
a dork who nibbles on it. Naturally the cookie is
covered with cum frosting which he obligingly licks.
That scene
in TEN LITTLE PIGGIES reminded me of another
star power sex up. Years ago the cops busted a loud
party only to find Mary Ann Faithfull sprawled naked
on a rug with a Mars bar between her legs. Mick
Jagger was eating the Mars bar. Don't know if it's
true but if it is wish we could see that on a video.
Call it Sympathy for the Devil.
Since Christmas
is near allow Flagstone to unwrap a present for
you.
Once upon
a time a little boy named Jesus was born in Bethlehem,
raised in the desert, went wacko and started preaching
a new religion. He got nailed to a cross, then went
up in the sky as God's son. But Jesus now has a
dirty little secret few people know about.
The Second
Coming came a few weeks ago. Big J got out of the
God business and has started a new career as a porn
star. "I was walking down Sunset Boulevard and stopped
in this ice cream parlor, the Big Scoop. This girl
grabbed me and said, 'You look cool, dude, love
the sandals. Wanna be in a movie?' Well gee everybody
wants to be in a movie, even me, the son of God.
I didn't know it was a porn flick 'til she got down
on her knees and put my penis in her mouth. Wow!
Heaven's great, but...." he told me in an interview.
This will
be a big shot in the arm for the porn biz. Rumor
has it Jesus' first DVD release will be entitled
THE PESTILENCE THAT WALKS IN DARKNESS. Just
think, Jesus' cock sliding down the smooth alley
of a porn star, Jesus lying down in a green pasture
for a head job, Jesus butt-fucking a shepherd. The
dude who dwells in the House of the Lord, his cup
running over with cum.
