The prison warden at the Maximum Security Prison for Troubled Females in DP PENITENTIARY is an enlightened and caring official. He seeks only to rehabilitate wayward girls, not lock them up and throw away the key. Therapy of a special kind is in order, the warden tells porn newcomer Keegan Skky.

Keegan has a face exuding pouty innocence and the sweet silky tang of a girl whose vulnerabilities might easily be exploited. So she seems taken aback when the warden says the "the female species thinks with her taint."

I never considered that delicate area between the glory hole and the booty hole to be a place where a woman hides her most intimate thoughts, but let's give porn some leeway in the where-might-the-mind-be-located department. I mean over the centuries philosophers have located the mind in the head, the heart, the liver, and floating around outside the body. So why not a thinking taint?

Sitting behind his desk pouring over Keegan's rap sheet, the warden, who woefully lacks an ounce of acting ability, explains the prison program in great detail. It's quite funny, really, the guy sputtering out lines while Keegan Skky sits there batting her eyelashes, probably wondering if this dude can walk and talk at the same time.

The warden says female prisoners' taints must be massaged so "the lesser sex can become more docile." This rehabilitation program is then pursued with a vengeance. Keegan and a couple of other porn prisoners, Lena Ramon and Gabriella Banks, are decked out in chain gang black-and-white striped uniforms. After the preliminary taint therapy, the trio of bad girls gets treated to a lengthy series of double penetrations in their jail cells by the guards.

While watching the DP's roll across the screen around three in the morning, I glanced out my office window on the corner of 7th and Market and saw the SFPD in action. This is Drug Central in San Francisco and a cop was trying to subdue a scraggly white woman who was putting up a fight. He tried to get her arm behind her back, she twisted away and slapped him. Another cop got out of a patrol car, ran over and helped wrestle her to pavement, legs kicking in the air. Her taint must have exploded on crack. They finally cuffed her and took her away in the patrol car.

I slipped in PERVERTED STORIES 7. Liza Harper's sitting in a jail cell calmly smoking a cigarette. Not a lot of smoking in porn nowadays and this scene has a touch of fetish smoking to it, but they could have gone a lot further with that. Liza's enjoying her last cigarette before the plundering begins and her taint is very mellow. She's wearing a thin gold dress and mesh stockings. The camera does a lot of slow pans up her fine