Back
in 1963 when I was downing a couple of six-packs
of Blitz every night and flunking out of
the University of Oregon during the day
a friend of mine dropped by my apartment
with a 16mm Bolex camera. He was also flunking
out and had decided to take off to L.A.
and get in the business of making porn films.
At
that time it was not illegal as long as
the films 
didn't
go too far. I can't remember the exact parameters,
but basically it definitely meant no penetration
scenes and I think the girls had to have
their bushes covered. In any case, he showed
me a pretty high quality five minute black-and-white
scene of a couple of U of O students snuggling
naked and licking each other across the
tops of their underwear. Pretty strong stuff
then.
The
guy invited me to join his enterprise since
I had a job at the university as a still
photographer and had recently dabbled in
cinemaphotography with his Bolex. After
he split we lost contact with each other
so I don't know what ever happened to him.
Guess he went into porn while I, after my
final string of F's, joined the Marine Corps
and wound up in Vietnam with a Nikon taking
pictures of grunts blasting away at the
Viet Cong out in the boonies. So in a way
we both shot porn.
That
flash from the past popped into my mind
when I watched Campus Invasion from
Shane's World. This company pulled off a
brilliant marketing scam (see January's
Exotic). Shane's World picked Indiana
University for an on-campus porno because
it was named the nation's No. 1 party school
last year by the Princeton Review.
This in itself is pretty funny. As long
as I can remember, magazines like Playboy
and Rolling Stone have sent out annual
decrees naming one university or another
the top party school. But the Princeton
Review is better known for its manuals
on how to get higher scores on the SAT so
you can get into a high-powered college
and rise above the animal house atmosphere
of the top party schools.
Shane's
World bills this as a "documentary" but
goes to great extremes to erase any hint
of where the film was shot. Throughout the
film the faces of students are blocked out.
All the IU college logos on baseball caps
and sweatshirts are blurred. This is probably
an overreaction but understandable since
IU officials considered taking legal action
against Shane's World.
The
vid opens with several pornbabes getting
interviewed on the IU campus radio station.
As they hover over the college DJ he says,
"There's lots of perks on this job most
students would never think about." He adds
that the future is looking brighter for
him, and says he'd like to interview Belladonna
but "she has a mouth full right now." Bella's
getting a pussy licking from another girl.
The
scenes shift back and forth between the
campus and the usual Shane's World studio
shots. Most of the campus party scenes involve
contests between students eating porn pussy
and animal house horseplay with frat rats
chugging beer and hooting and hollering
"git that nooky" and "hit the bull's-eye"
and "bite her ass." The contest winners
are taken to a bedroom and treated to blow
jobs. I found it interesting that all the
lucky boys wore boxer shorts, not briefs.
Watching the satisfaction of this one nerdy
guy who probably hasn't had as much as a
date since he got to college is worth the
price of this DVD.
The
hack paddling scene on a porn doll is also
priceless, worth rewatching in slow-mo about
five times from different angles. I never
joined a fraternity and always wondered
about the homoerotic implications of the
hack paddle. Each frat member is assigned
a pledge who shines up a hack paddle like
a recruit shines
his
boots. Then on initiation night the pledge
leans over, grabs his balls and gets the
shit whacked out of him by his big brother.
The bond is then sealed and he becomes
a member of the fraternity. How sweet.
At an apartment off campus a guy standing
around outside says a porn couple "just
had sex in my room and I'm thinking about
the sheets." Then he goes off on a charming
rant about how wonderful it is for the
cameras to be on him cause he's gonna
be a rock star soon and be on VH-1. "I'll
do anything to get my name out there,"
he says, puffing on a cigarette. [Note
to Shane's World: The least you could
do is contact this poor guy and get him
to cut a couple of tunes for background
music in your next campus invasion.]
Two girls who let the porn crew into their
dorm room giggle and laugh when invited
to join in the festivities. A porn stud
offers up his dick. One of the girls,
after much bibble-babbling around, lightly
flicks the tip of his tool with her tongue,
then turns away laughing. This tousle-haired
cute coed is totally shocked she actually
went through with it, when of course by
porn standards this is the equivalent
of a neck rub in a chair at the mall.
The girls invite a few more students in
the room, then lock the door 'cause a
crowd has gathered in the hallway wanting
to get in. There's lots of knocking on
the door. At one point we hear somebody
outside say "We're calling the police."
The girls, to their credit, don't get
panicked. They continue to play games
with the pornies.
The best student performance comes from
"Party Bob." A porn fan from way back,
he really gets into it. He gets hacked
by one of the girls and screams for more.
"C'mon, wind that up, fuck me up good."
Then he bumps into Mr. Marcus and goes
ape shit. Mr. Marcus is his idol and now
he's drinking beer with him and making
porn. Party Bob is in seventh heaven.
Mr. Marcus autographs Party Bob's beer
mug for him. Mr. Marcus then delivers
the best line I've heard in a porn film:
"What we're doing here is a porno version
of the Make a Wish Foundation. We're making
your dreams come true."
Regular readers of this column know that
I have been ripping into the porn industry
for all the crap they put out and their
incredible pretentiousness about their
artistic capabilities. All I can say is
congratulations to Shane's World for turning
out a great, uh, documentary. And yet
what makes this a terrific porn film is
not the porn. It's simply fucking real.
Let's give Party Bob the last word. He
throws his head back in a state of ecstacy
while getting a blow job and says: "Fuck
class. All they do is talk all day long."
